Rid

Finally, some time to sort through my clothes for a little cash. Go to my carousell!
Sigh, selling so many things at a huge loss. But bopian, I want to rid them all fast.

Now that I've had the chance to sort through them, I realise that 90% of the clothes were either never worn before, or worn just a few times. I need to make more discerning choices when shopping! i.e. stop buying white clothes, floral patterns, many colours of the same design, clothes that can't be tried on, etc.

De-clutter tip #1: Cut off all emotional ties with material things.
De-clutter tip #2: Repeat to self, "I will forget about the stuff I throw out by tomorrow."
De-clutter tip #3: Do not shop as a way of de-stressing
De-clutter tip #4: Stop taobao-ing :'( (No......)

De-clutter I must, but it still doesn't stop me from obsessing over these amazing patterns/ panels! Japanese print + Batik = Crazy times ahead. Been sitting in my room looking pretty for way too long. All I need is free time now!

Can't enjoy nights and weekends..

Getting push notifications for work emails on my phone has been nightmarish.

Should I, or should I not off them?

That is the question..

Happy Birthday my Love

my love, who charms.

Hisaishi on loop while thinking about my love on this 1st day of his 28th year on earth.

I am here, in Singapore, and he, in China till Friday. 

My heart sings on recollection of what we've been brought through these past few years. That fate should have it that our paths crossed in such a serendipitous manner- a silent clicking of hearts. What came after was a slow and pensive, rather painful, yet transient summer, and feelings laid dormant for many more summers before we finally tore down those walls to know each other more.

Getting to know him has been like listening to my favourite Hisaishi piece. On first listen, you get hooked. You play it on loop a good thousand times till you know the melody by heart. But yet, when you revisit it, you always notice something new in that same recording - a crescendo here, a diminuendo there. Eventually, you know the whole arrangement by heart. You can predict what comes next and the mere thought of it sounds boring but given the premise that you actually love the song, knowing what comes next is extremely comforting, and even exciting because the sheer complexity of such genius arrangement makes it never grow old.

My love is an ageless Joe Hisaishi composition:

Can't wait to be in his arms again. 

Baby Bro :)

My mom sent me this video this morning for uh, entertainment on my train ride to work. 

Pretty nostalgic watching this because he had practised really hard for this some National Chinese Music Competition. The night before he had only an oversized formal shirt, and I had helped him alter it. Went to watch him like a proud mama. He didn't win, but still did in my heart!

7 years on and twice as buff, I think he's still pretty cool like that, albeit with rusty erhu skills.

for want of a field day on a supposed field day

Today felt like one of those "throw in the towel" days.

When work went haywire, and crept into my personal life. My set apart time with God. The few times I had to set my phone on normal to reply people and emails to ready a launch that was delayed for the day. Snuck in to church at 6.30pm, occupied throughout dinner with messages and calls, checking my phone every now and then on the way home with Han Yang. All these while still running on adrenaline (no sleep on thursday night with extremely unproductive report writing, i even went out for a jog after finishing the report at 5.30am).

Adrenaline's about to run out, and I am cranky.

It led me to think about the nights I nodded off with the lights on, the times I had had to cancel/ postpone a meet up for the sake of rushing a report, the number of pimples I've seen pop out due to stress/ no exercise/ bad sleeping habits.

I'm overwhelmed by an avalanche of work-related things that still need to be settled lest it piles on me when I get back to office on Monday.

Drawing close to the source tonight - I need you Lord, more than ever.


***
I once was a carefree hipster, doing whatever that interested and pleased, changing hobbies every other day and going around school in my tees and boxers, tying hammocks and reading in them. Now, as an adult with responsibilities (ahem), I struggle with the great disparity in the heaviness of  the work when measured against personal life- but still I find comfort in knowing that things are in control with His Almighty.

I guess, I'd rather do things with You. And Han Yang, who keeps me grounded and cheery just by being himself.

Taste so impeccable

Since young, my dad had set his eyes on grooming us to love chinese culture. Because of his great love for the culture, he did things like send us to chinese schools, enrol in chinese music classes/ make us join chinese orchestra as a CCA, teach us chinese calligraphy, bring us to china on holidays, etc. Long ago, he even rejected an offer to be posted to Australia for work cos he didn't want us to become bananas lol.

Nevertheless, I don't think all of us turned out particularly in tuned to Chinese culture. He did managed to convince me though - I ended up continuing orchestra till university on my own accord. I also listen to chinese classical music, watch chinese history films, think that cheongsums are the prettiest things and take to oriental stuff a lot. 

Anyway, whenever my dad goes to China for work (which he has been going pretty often in the past few years) he always makes it a point to get us gifts. This is a collection of what I've received so far, and I must say, he is pretty good taste in getting us useful and quite pretty stuff:

From extreme left, this was the first gift he ever bought for me. I don't know what made him decide that I liked pandas, or soft toys (which I do)! I gave it to my brother cos he had better appreciation of pandas (he likes panda stuff lol).

To the right, it is a jade bangle that he bought for my mum, but she didn't like it cos she thinks only grandmas wear them. So I took it for myself. Haha, banished to the rungs of grandma fashion ^^

Then below, there is my name stamp on another trip. I used to have one long ago which he would use to chop our textbooks, but we misplaced it. :(

Then there is the wooden comb. I love it that it is so hardy and natural, and use it all the time.

Above it, is a pocket mirror! it's made up of acrylic I think, and is very handy and pretty

Above it, is a box which is supposed to contain a ring, but I misplaced it. A green ring that looks like that:

Not the usual kind of rings that I would get/ wear, but just because he looked so excited when he gifted it to me and was happy when I said I would wear it.

Top, an umbrella that he got on his most recent trip! He got another for my sis and I some time back, that I termed as the ugliest umbrella ever (cos it was metallic blue with glitter) but I loved it all the same. I left it at a church during a wedding and haven't gone back to collect it yet!

And lastly, a calligraphy practice set! It is very useful cos you can just use water as ink, and it appears on the special cloth as black ink, and disappears after a while. I've been using it for some time now. 

<3

EDIT: One more thing that proves that papa is telepathic.

I have an insane love for jimmy liao's illustrations! He illustrated the most poignant and romantic book "向左走，向右走" which was made into a film. Since secondary school, I have been collecting many of his books, but I only buy them when I'm in China (cos it's 15RMB (S$3-4) a book vs S$27 if you get it at any local book stores). This time round, papa bought one of his books for me! But a pity, because I already have a mini version. :p

Age like wine

The kind of Love that blossoms and sustains is..

the kind that one is able to still see beauty and enjoy life in the present without needing the beloved to be physically there all the time.

But..

In every chance one gets to reflect upon a fond memory, a beautiful sight, or even a sad one, he/she pauses, and think how wonderful it would be if the beloved were there to share the moment as well.

---

And my beloved is back! Am excited to hear stories.

Why I serve

I started volunteering regularly with the YMCA before starting Uni. I was doing a little relief teaching before starting school, but other than that I was extremely free and wanted to spend my time more meaningfully.

Had been following a friend's LJ about her experiences with volunteering and I decided to join them for YCamp - a bi/tri annual camp by the YMCA for the intellectually and physically disabled adults. It was a 3 day camp that exposed us to things like high elements and the usual camp games, aimed to let these adults step out of their comfort zone to learn life skills and values. Other than the friendships and the privilege to learn from them, I went away from that camp with a renewed sense of perspective about life. All my life, I had just been cruising along and just leading life as it was presented on a platter. I was exposed to current affairs and social issues in school, but it never hit me that these were tangible and real. My own life and worries were larger than these things, but in that July of 2007, it hit me that there were things beyond myself that I wanted to be a part of.

It was just the beginning of my purpose awakening, but it was a tough struggle.

I continued volunteering weekly with the YMCA, did an internship with them, planned many camps, etc. There were times I felt dry, especially when I was overwhelmed by my own personal problems and busyness at school. I struggled, because as someone in a constant reflective flux, I also started to question my own intentions. Am I just doing all that I am doing to fulfil my own (selfish) desires of self-actualisation, making myself feel better as I volunteer with people less fortunate than I am because I sympathise and pity them? In seeking the answer to this question, I even went on an internship to India, learnt much about education, travelled the whole of South East Asia, meeting new friends along the way. I couldn't close this gap, growing even more disillusioned with life. Just as I thought I had found a purpose, I couldn't accept how at the end of the day, I was doing this for my own benefit.

----

At the end of 2010, I met God when I was reading a book called "Changing the World Through Kindness". In that book, I found out that people who knew God didn't love or help people out of sympathy or pity, they did so because in knowing God's love, they couldn't help it but overflow with God's love. Think of them as empty vessels, and God filling them up with lots and lots of His love, and these people were so joyful to be in God's presence that they bled and overflowed with His love.

God's love is not one born out of pity, it is one born out of love of His sons and daughters. The closest relationship is the one our parents share with us. And when Jesus came down to earth as His son, He showed us how to love each other as brothers and sisters.

After realising that God wasn't some weird, mysterious and judgmental creature, I really wanted to experience it for myself. I decided to break down the walls that I had against Christianity (there were many) and decided to acknowledge Him.

The journey's been bumpy, but it's the most favourite journey of my life to date. No longer is there no light at the end of the dark tunnel, but I grew to see Him in all situations in my life, be it good or bad. He shows Himself us in the most divine ways and guides me in so many things in life- values, choices, even planting me in places where He knows people need and long for Him. 

----

So the answer to why I serve?

Firstly, I serve because I'm driven by His love, having experienced it myself.

Secondly, I serve because I know He loves people. No matter who we are, whether we know Him or not, whether we have ever done bad or unforgivable things, it doesn't change the fact that He loves every single person in this world. In this, He gives me His heart for people by speaking to me about their situations in life. In this understanding, He also guides me in what in do.

How, in such circumstances, do I withhold and keep this great Love to myself?

I simply can't, but be His humble servant.

forgiveness

It's easy to become parched. Work for 10-12 hour days, weeks on end. Spend more than 2 hours packed like sardines on the train everyday. Crash when you get home, with work nagging at the back of your mind.

That's my life right now.

Just as an exercise of self-reflection, I put my 22 year old self into the situation I am in right now- the self that had yet to know God.

I think I would probably have spiralled into depression at the aimlessness of life.

-----

But even after knowing God, it's still a struggle when life overtakes you.

It's easy to lose focus. 

We all need something to get us through days, even as we may have a bigger picture in mind. For me, I know the reason why God put me at my workplace.

But when I started to spend less time with Him, I also started to derive satisfaction from cheap substitutes throughout the day. Not only that, I became more impatient, and lost my sense of empathy. My mind/second nature probed me to help, but my senses were numb; compassion lost. 

It's been a while now.

On thursday night, I just felt lousy.

As I made the decision to spend some time to worship him, this song came on, and the verses mirrored completely my thoughts/emotions. 

When it got to the chorus, I cried a puddle of tears as I got down on my knees, and repented for being steeped in my own desires, for letting Him down. 

And I ask you

How many times will you pick me up

When I keep on letting you down

And each time I will fall short of your glory

How far will forgiveness abound?

And You answer, “My child, I love you
And as long as you’re seeking My face
You’ll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace.”

Your kindness leads me to repentance.

Just eternally thankful that I've an Almighty Father who sees me not for the things that I do, but who I am to Him - His daughter.

the reality of dreams

my life has been madness!

it is so mad that i've decided not to bother with sentence case in this post.

first of all, i am extremely upset at the state of my room right now. no, disturbed. having these long nights out at work/ church-related stuff/ meetups do not help either. i need to take some rest, and do some clearing up of my room. and soul.

second of all, the beginning of work has marked the mortality of sleep for me. i've been busy. overlaps of deadlines of multiple projects. though, i must say, i really like research. just not the whole managing of projects part. i'm extremely bad with managing multiple to-dos and things always slip through my pea brain. but that is something i want to get better at. for a while, i struggled with being efficient. compartmentalisation of thoughts have helped, but could get way better.

third, i've said this countless of times, but i really need to spend some time in God's presence. of course, i still am reminded of Him throughout the day and as i go about making the many decisions in life. but i've not had time to soak in His presence, just enjoying some alone time talking to Him. prayer of late has been a one-way communication where i just assert my requests and do not even wait for Him to speak. and those are only in desperate times. the rest of the time, i just knock out at the end of the day. see, even the way i write has been stripped bare and flowers have wilted in paragraphs and i no longer write as poetic as i used to. communing with God will bring back that beauty in life.

-----

felt a little emotional while worshipping Him this saturday. it was after 2 sleepless nights of subtitling and attempting to export serene's wedding video from final cut pro (which had me on my toes till 9 a.m. on the morning of the wedding, freaking out and making last minute plans to do a raw preview directly from my comp. next time, plan ahead for contingencies as such. but thank you God for showing up; my desperate pleas must have been heard by You.). i had not much strength to even lift my hands to sing, but in those weak moments that i felt my physical body was going to cave, i seriously felt thankful to God for sustaining me through the week.

sermon this week was also insightful. the preacher covered some interesting points to reflect upon our speech, not so much as a reflection of who people would think we are, but the motivations and intentions behind speech. reflection was not so much upon my speech, but more upon my actions. well, to cut things short, i realised that not all pure-intentioned actions are good, as how not all good actions are pure-intentioned. i guess in the former, that requires communication, and in the latter, a distillation of motivations. interesting thought that i will keep in mind in the next few days.

-----

in this week, i'm thankful for family who keep me grounded in life. doing simple things like celebrating papa's birthday with him, bantering and discussing life with the siblings, being able to sit down on sunday afternoons to chat with mi mama and papa, it's a great feeling!

han yang has been a great pillar of support- sitting by watching the bags while i filmed last sunday, putting his god-speed typing skills to good use by transcribing the video in 15 mins (or less), spending our lunch time at the printer's, going down to the florist to pick up flowers together with me (and knowing the essentials of flower arrangement - what a rare breed), accompanying me to the church the day before to help in decorations. in what were once one-man experiences, made much more fun in his presence. to see him lay down his what-could-have-been-more-productively spent time with me, i've felt blessed beyond measure.

han yang gifted me red roses/white eustoma combi on my birthday, which was also polling day. also because i really love Singapore (he knows me best)! (am holding off any comments that points towards my political preferences here because i don't want to simplify such a complex conclusion over a photo of me awing at flowers hehe)

 i got to spend last sunday with my christmas family :) oh, this joy could bury, 10-fold, any magnitude of festered sadness.

Reason to Sing

I've had a love affair with sewing since home econs back in 2001 (I am ancient). Since I didn't have a sewing machine at home, I would sneak into the sewing room by removing those layered window panes and climbing in during recess and after school to work on sewing projects.

Then when I was 17, my mum finally bought me a sewing machine! I had oodles of fun with it and went crazy with it! Kept buying cloth and zips from Chinatown and experimenting with inner linings (which are the prettiest details ever). I should have taken more pictures of those things I sewed, mostly tote bags, pouches, pencil cases, even PVC bi-fold wallets!

I even sewed my own school bag.

This is the best picture I could find, it was a desigual-esque patchwork cos I was super into bohemian/flower prints/crazy prints/batik then

These are some stuff I sewed for a carnival.

If you can see what's in the picture,  those on the bottom right were pacman PVC pencil cases which I was very proud of. I was super into clear stuff then but wanted to change things up a little bit. I binded my own notebooks too! Fun days.

Then my sewing machine went bonkers :( First the bulb blew, then bobbin winder stopped working and I had to wind it manually.

I was not happy with this machine.

And then one day, I happily chanced upon a lady demonstrating a Singer sewing machine. She stepped on the pedal, and without using her hands, the cloth was sewing parallel to the seams! I was shocked, I've never thought it was so easy to sew, because my machine can never sew straight without my hands guiding it.

From then on, I vowed that Singer shall be my next baby.

Soon enough, the bobbin threads started to run everywhere and then one day the machine just got stuck and couldn't be repaired. I was sad and grieved its demise, but excited that I could get a new one!

Was procrastinating on this for the longest time when Val messaged me last week with a photo of her new sewing machine.

And with renewed motivation, I went out to get one over the weekend!

This baby shall sing together with me :)

Life, for lack of a better title

Too busy to update, but here are some snippets of my life in the past few weeks(?), or months. Not in chronological order:

Qinpei is holding a bottle of oil in the MRT, and we have just received fresh, to anoint our places of influence. Hmm, what is conclusive?

A couple of girls delighted to be gifted koala/kangaroo key rings, proceed to adorn them fingers.

The subject of my distress on a saturday night upon hearing from Weiwen that she has seen 3 cases of brain infection from eating raw fish!!??!?!?!?!

Mr Lau looking his usual suave self at his brother's wedding.

My brother likes to send me pictures of dogs that he grooms at work. This was entitled "Chicken".

It was a pleasure serving the most high King at conference.

My ever faithful lifegroup.

After a report-filled day, I texted HY to tell him that I felt nauseous from the report-typing. He decided to get me sour plums (+ accompany me on the bus ride for music practice!)

heehee<3, this is one boy whom I really treasure.

Pop Pilates!

I've always been a believer of keeping fit. Not so much to the extent of being a fitness nut/guru like the ones you see on Instagram, but it is always a good feeling to start/end the day with a nice and refreshing work out. Contrary to how we think exercise tires one out, when done at the right intensity and frequency, it is extremely refreshing and gives me energy for the day.

Over the last 11 years, I've managed to routinely intersperse running, swimming and badminton as part of a weekly/bi-weekly regime. Things were so easy in school where there was a gym and pool. But as I started work, it was extremely hard to drag my tired body at the end of the day for a full-on cardio workout. For a while, I was extremely unfit and constantly prey to the flu bug and cough monster. After quitting my previous job, I decided that I wanted to feel healthy again, and following the advice of my sister who stretches every day, I chanced upon pilates! 

I initially thought it was an extremely pointless form of exercise. No sweating during exercise = time wasted. The first encounter I had with pilates was at the start of my internship in India where Joyce introduced me to an extremely boring series of pilates videos when we were trying to figure out how best to keep fit in a place where curry and biyani more or less made up our daily meals. I eventually did not buy into it and ended up running every morning on our roof top.

Fast forward to these past couple of working years, I was getting constant back aches from being at the desk most of the time and remembered that my spine doctor had advised me to swim and do stretching. So I decided to find an exercise that I could do in the comfort and convenience of my own home. I did some research, chanced upon Cassey Ho's videos and loved them! She's humorous, entertaining, encouraging, relatable, has extremely pretty backdrops and does these less than 10 minute clips for target spots, so it's perfect for people like me who needs things straight to the point. I've been doing it for some time now and have more or less settled on a fixed routine. I especially like the stretches to relieve lower back pain at the end of the set!

I find pilates really helps me to train my core muscles and tone up the different areas, which is great cos running just burns fats and doesnt do much toning. Toning makes you look fit and good, and overall, less effort exerted for physical stuff.

I've also been trying to train myself to do splits and other more fancy stuff. Heh, maybe check back here in a few months for some progress update?

A girl could dream

I'd be the world's happiest girl if I ever get the honour of catching this great man live in action!

For now, I will stick to my spotify playlist :X.

What being in CO for 15 years taught me

One of few liuqin concertos. Lovely. And I miss playing in an orchestra so much. As much as I love singing and it speaks to my soul, it is plain music of the heart when I listen to these nostalgic tunes. It goes deep. It is knowing how much effort goes into the interaction of musical notes from the different instruments, having gone through hours, days, weeks, even months perfecting a song, learning how vital each and every instrument is to the weaving of intricate sounds, growing up and breathing chinese music, the constant from primary school all the way up to Uni, that this is a part of me that nothing can take away.

Today, papa said "There is no fun in studying. There are some things in life that you just have to get into your head by pure effort and putting in the time to master. And in those times, it isn't fun at all." A few years ago, the idealistic me might have begged to differ, protesting loudly at the rigidity of old minds like his who had such a fixed way of what it meant to learn. Today, I nodded vehemently. A few years of roughing it out and I've finally realised- I know there are ways of learning that could make learning interesting and more "fun". But ultimately, when the rubber hits the road for real learning to take place, you just gotta put in your time and effort to internalise these things.

What has that gotta do with CO?

I look back on this part of my life with fondness now, but I know that practices were nowhere near "fun" back in the day. Of course, there was the company and slogging it away with the fellow peers who made practices so much better, but the gist of practices was: we practised, and practised, and practised. We could practise 10 bars of a song for 3 hours and not get it right, then get forced to play them individually so that the instructor knew who was the one dragging everyone down. We practised till our fingers split and bled. It was a true horror story of how we committed 3 - 5 days of 8 hour sessions every week during the school holidays when we could have just rested at home if it had been a slacker CCA. 

So why did we subject ourselves to this pure torture?

Because... for one, these split fingers- they healed. And callouses formed. That was a defining chapter for us. Hooray to callouses! We could finally practise without fear of our fingers splitting! 

Secondly, when the orchestra came together for combined, and after many many many practices of making instruments interact with each other for what we have practised during the sectionals, the music was heavenly. It was what we lived for. We memorised by heart, bits of pieces in the song that we loved, we even verbally sang our parts when we gathered for lunch. 

This is how I learnt about life. The Generation Y in me cries out in protest. I want things done fast and quick, I want to get somewhere high up there without trying too hard and getting hurt. I realise today, that my chapter with chinese music instilled an iron in me.

A revelation that I couldn't have come to, given my stubbornness, without God.

But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.  

Job 23:10

Grow me, but stay close to me God, for I can't do this without You! :) 

All set

What is it that I want to be moulded in this year? Reminded of God's kindness this weekend. And God's kindness always leads to repentance. My heart was filled with so much gratitude as I stood at the alter, wanting more of the Holy Spirit to be in my life.

I would like Him to transform my habits this year. Simple things like sticking to good habits like waking up early and not needing to have a breathless start to the day, spending some time of the day talking to God, sharpening my mind by being disciplined with what I've set out to learn, making exercise a routine part of my week, being faithful with my relationships at home and with my friends.

It starts this week! 6.30 a.m. days for pilates and praying. And HS, guide me!

Reliving Memes

Question memes used to be super popular. I haven't done them in a while, and I think they have ceased to be memes, because people just don't pass them around anymore. But just because it's a friday night, and I'm at home winding down from my first full week at work, this (un)meme seems to be the most exciting thing I want to do right now:


What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color? 

I haven't gone beyond a lighter shade of brown, which isn't much deviation from my original hair colour (brown). For a period of time I had tried to do jet black (think purple black) hair. But somehow my hair always seemed to fade back to its dark brown. I now think au natural looks the best (and easiest to maintain).

Do you tan easily? 

Unfortunately, yes. Though I am fair by standards.

What is your favorite show to watch? 

Right now, Fresh Off The Boat! But for something more evergreen, it's probably Planet Earth, Brainiac, National Geographic and the different versions of Hana Yori Dango (Taiwanese, Japanese, Korean).

What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance? 

I have a few. Zara's textures, Body Shop's White Musk, Kenzo's Flower.

Do you want to kiss anyone right now? 

I think we are all human.

What was in your last meal? 

I had a McNugget Happy Meal with some salmon avocado sushi from Ichiban. It was a wind down meal, yum.

Do you sing? 

Yes, and I love it!

Do you wear necklaces? 

I used to wear this gold necklace with a key, but the clasp broke and I never got around to bringing it to the jeweller's. Other than that, sometimes I wear if it fits the outfit.

How many piercings do you have (if any)? 

Now, 2 on my ears. In my uni years and eager to try crazy things, I had a nose and a secret tongue piercing for several months (at separate times.)

Do you blush easily? 

Not really, though I am pretty shy.

Have you ever broken a bone? 

Hairline crack on my left arm on my first day at gymnastics class because I went over a gym ball and fell on my left arm.

Are you an artist/writer? 

I guess I could consider myself a leisure artist and writer. It is through doing crafts and writing that I connect well with my thoughts and emotions.

Do you play an instrument? 

Yep, the guitar, piano (floundering though with chord progressions), the 阮 (one of my first loves, but of which I've neglected for some time) and 柳琴 (too tiny and high pitched, it probably sounds the best with the orchestra).

Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? 

Yes, I am, unabashedly! And though it was a long time coming, he knows, every day. And it grows deeper. (If you're reading this Han Yang, I love you!)

Do you smoke cigarettes? 

Nope.

Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? 

It didn't use to be, but I do think age has done something to surface these instincts.

Do you feel confident in your body image? 

Yes, I'm happy with the way I look.

Are you flexible? 

A few have told me that I am, but I just feel creakier with age.

Do you like to dance? 

I think most of my dancing stints have gone wrong because I have very bad motor memory.

Has anyone ever called you ugly? 

Not that I know of.

Have you ever cheated on someone? 

No.

Have you ever been arrested? 

Nope.

Favorite pair of shoes? 

Right now, it's my black Jelly Bunny shoes, which are extremely versatile and still looks pretty formal despite being rubber. I wear them almost everyday. I am also trying to find an occasion to wear my Feiyue sneakers, which arrived in the mail a while back. I adore how they look!

-----

Okay, I'm having fun, so here's another:

Would You Rather
Pierce your nose or your tongue? 

Have done both. I think I prefer nose. Since I don't have to contend with problems eating cos my tongue hurts. (Though I did contend with other problems like digging my nose, but it wasn't something I had to do frequently.)

Drink whole or skimmed milk? 

Whole milk FTW. Skimmed milk tastes like white water.

Die in a fire or drowning?

Um, can I say none? Both are extremely tragic ways to pass on.

Spend time with your parent(s) or enemies?
Parents of course! This meme might be targeted at angsty teens.

Are You?
Simple or complicated? 

I think quite complicated, though I do attempt to be simple.

Tall or short?

Pretty short. 

Right handed or left handed?
Right

A lover of music or a lover of books?
I am a fervent fan of both, and they each hold so much significance in my life!


Do You Prefer
Flowers or sweets?

Um, is that a question? Give me a bunch of lovely blooms any day.

Grey or black?

Black. It's versatile.

Color photos or black-and-white photos?

I fancy both for different moods. I like coloured photos cross processed, faded, highly contrasted or filtered, and there's some thing romantic about B&W.

Sunrise or sunset?

Sunset, because I am a late riser and will get cranky if I have to wake up just to watch an everyday phenomenon.

M&Ms or Skittles?
M&Ms. Chocolates over candy.

Staying up late or waking up early? 

I tend to stay up late, but I really prefer waking up early. As my dad always said "早睡早起身体好"(One of his pet phrases).

Sun or moon?
Sun, because it serves a practical purpose.

Winter or Autumn?
Autumn over winter please, I don't wanna freeze.

10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?
2 best friends.

Rainy or sunny?
Sunny when out, rainy when in.

Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?
Strawberry?

Vodka or Jack?
Neither. How about some Moscato from Brown Brothers! Or some whiskey, HY's pick.


About You
Name?

I'd rather my blog not appear on Google search engines.

Nicknames?

Sins, Huisin, Safety Pin, Halibut, Cherry Blossom, 开心果

When is your birthday?
A sad day for Americans.

What do you want?

A life surrounded by people I love, doing things that challenge and fulfil me and helping people know true Love.

How many kids do you want?

Min. 2, Max 3

What would you name a girl? What would you name a boy?

Haven't thought of it, but I would like them to be meaningful chinese names.

You want to get married?
Yes of course :)

What kind of music do you like?
I don't listen to a particular genre, but I love acoustic covers.

Unique
Nervous habits?

I don't look the person in the eye, or be quieter than my usual self.

Are you double-jointed?
What's that?! 

Can you roll your tongue?

Yes, I can roll my tongue into a flower too.

Can you raise one eyebrow?
I think so. (I just tried it in front of the mirror.)

Can you cross your eyes?

Yes


Random
Which shoe goes on first? 

The left. I also always put the left side of my contacts on, and draw the left side of my eyebrow and eyelid first when doing makeup.

Ever thrown something at someone?

Yes, many times. Especially back in school.

On average, how much money do you carry with you?
Always $40, cos I don't like drawing $50 and having to break the note.

What jewelry do you wear?
I used to wear tons of costume jewelry in younger days, especially during my indian/hippie fashion phase (bangles and toe rings!). Upon aging, I've mellowed down and now prefer classic looks. It's almost always just a pair of earrings, unless I find occasion for a necklace or a jade bangle. And I really like pearls!

Do you twirl or cut spaghetti?
Twirl! I'm aghast. Who wastes time cutting spaghetti?!?!?!

Have you ever eaten Spam?

Yes, and I like it!

Favorite ice cream?
I used to really like ice cream. To the point where I made ice cream and wanted to set up an ice cream cafe. But my sweet tooth seems to have weaned. 

How many kinds of cereal are in your cupboard?
None! I used to love Post's and Marks & Spencer ones. See, no sweet tooth anymore.

Last
Car ride?

Huiyi's when she gave me a lift home.

Song played?

No idea! My ipod's been playing lotsa podcasts of late.

Person you saw?

Papa

Time you cried?

Um, yesterday when I read an article and cried on the MRT on the way to work. Don't ask me how and why. I can't control my tear ducts and it's embarrassing sometimes.

In fact, today I saw an old man who reminded me of Gong gong and the next moment, it felt like something bored a hole in my heart and I really really wanted to have him next to me. I guess it is in these moments that I'm comforted knowing that he is in heaven with Jesus, so this emptiness I feel is rather transient.

Shall end off on a happier note with a random picture that I found today:

This was what, 9 years ago?!?!?! These boys are now mature young men, towering wayyyy above me. I must say, those were happy times!

Just a little frivolous moment.

Follow Hui Xin's board white/lace on Pinterest.

There is something about white that intrigues me. Clean, pure, canvas-like, perhaps. But a good ol' white outfit always streamlines a look, and lace adds a subtle complicated touch. I love it so much! It has gotten to the point where my wardrobe has every form of article in white, and whenever I'm out I look to expand it further.

I love white, and more so white lace! And as though my predominantly white room is not enough, I'm going to line the glass of my book cabinets with lace. Hooray!

My life in the past 8

So the next phase of my life officially begins tomorrow after 8 months. I know, an 8-month break seems like a long spell by any standards, and especially so for someone like me who could never have passed a summer break without looking for a part time job or internship. But I'm extremely thankful for such a spell that allowed me to rest, spend time with the family and Han Yang, be a part of serving the church in singing and acting (that led to many breakthroughs), a brief stint with CNA doing historical research which rekindled my love for research and led me to apply for the job I'm about to start.

It has been amazing how things fell together and how God has blessed me with these opportunities that allowed me to reconnect to the things I love, especially after 2.5 years of working. I had almost forgotten how it felt like to spend hours poring over a good book or on a hobby. It feels good to be steeped in something to the point of forgetting everything else in that time. Reading, singing, sewing (I tried mending my broken sewing machine, hello to a new sewing machine soon!), drawing/designing with illustrator, wrapping flowers and videography (gonna be helping Serene with video for her wedding).

On top of that, I know that God had intended for me to be free so that I got the chance to be with Gong gong in his final months. The time spent taking care of him, praying, talking to him were tender moments shared between us that I will always keep close to my heart. He had contracted pneumonia over Chinese New Year, and I had really wanted him to get better. When I was back to visit, I saw how he was suffering from extended coughing episodes and it broke my heart so.

Hopeless and in despair, I pleaded with God for him to be well. In one of my prayers to him, a still small voice told me "Hui Xin, share with him about my Love and ask him to accept me first." I didn't want to believe that was true, but I knew Gong gong wasn't going to get any better. I have always wanted to ask him whether he wanted to accept Jesus, but I didn't know how, and I was so scared! In these few years, Gong gong and I had gotten closer. He knew I was a Christian and he was always open to sharing and prayer. But I never took the next step to ask him whether he believed in Jesus.

And right now, there was no way I would have the guts to share if God didn't prompt me to. I wrestled. I told God "Please give me a confirmation, and I will share." 5 minutes later, my phone beeped. It was from a friend whom I had just got to know the previous week, and she asked me about Gong gong. I said he wasn't doing well and was in the hospital. She said "I just thought I should ask you about grandpa and ask you to share about Christ with him." Ah, God speaks in so many ways. I was extremely comforted to know that God was with me.

It was the afternoon I was all alone in the ward with him. I shared, albeit rather incoherently. Gong gong shook his head rather vehemently when I asked him whether he wanted to accept Christ. Oh. But I knew God had told me to! I wasn't about to give up. The next day, he had gotten worse. I was with mama and jie, and I decided to pray for his coughing and wheezing to stop. I decided then, to share again. After that, I looked him in his eyes and asked "公公，您要不要接受神?" Gong gong looked at me, and NODDED HIS HEAD. I was shocked with joy. I couldn't believe it! I was so happy I shed tears. Gong gong was going to heaven, he was going to meet Jesus! We said a prayer for him. I was comforted that God was looking after him, because the night before I went to Malacca, I had dreamt that there were angels surrounding his bed.

The next day, Gong gong passed away peacefully. I cried because I was going to miss my cute Gong gong, but there was a deep joy in knowing that I would see him again soon.

I took a brief break during the 7 day wake to settle things back in Singapore, and received a call for an interview. A day after the wake, I went for the interview. In 3 days, they got back and offered me a job.

It took me a while to accept the offer as I had really wanted to work on policy/research/VWO development in the governmental social sector (they hadn't got back to me at all). But after much seeking God and talking to people, I realised that this job did fit a lot of my job expectations, and it would build up skill sets that I'm interested in developing. So, I accepted it.

I would still like to work in the social sector one day, but till then, it's up to me to stay well-read in this area, possibly take a look at social work course syllabus and do some self-learning. For now, I'm pretty sure I will be as pumped up doing market research.

*******

Other than personal things in my life, in the past week I was deeply grieved at the passing of Mr Lee to the extent that I never thought possible. I read many articles from various sources about this extremely intelligent man, his ideas and who he was as a person. I cried buckets at the realisation of the world's loss of a great man, but also felt immense honour to be a part of this era and country where he governed and loved. How much of his legacy will live on in generations to come? In the midst of concretising some thoughts and reading his memoirs.

Till then.

Fraction of my hobbies.

Our Beloved Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Sir.

So our founding father has passed on this Monday. I never thought I would get so emotional about his death, but understanding who he was as a politician, husband, father, friend, colleague and citizen of Singapore and the world through various sources and sharings, I've never been more proud to have him as our leader. 

Singapore is a funny nation, filled with people with much opinion about their leaders and her government. I guess local social media has surfaced a lot of negative sentiments these few years, which was beginning to affect the way I see Singaporeans as an ungrateful, whiny, complaining bunch.

So, it was welcome sight to hear Singaporeans, or maybe some of the silent majority speak up and share such touching things about Mr Lee and what they appreciated about him. From them I gathered that this man had a lot of depth, strength and iron but also compassion for his people.

Thought I'd just share some memorable tributes while reading the LKY tribute page:

Dear Mr Lee,

I have been a lifelong fan. Yesterday was a day I’ve been dreading for many years now. Believe it or not, YOU are the main reason I attended every NDP since 2001 (I procured my tickets through various ways). Even when I could only get tickets to the Preview, I would cheer loudly when your stand-in appeared. If it made me look silly, so what?

Then, in 2010, I was lucky enough to meet you by chance when we were both at the Marina Barrage. I’d gone there, along with my extended family. Suddenly my sister rushed up to me and said: “Lee Kuan Yew is here!” Then, it was my turn to do the rushing. I raced up to the second level where you were. The crowd were all just silent in your awesome presence. I couldn’t restrain myself and shouted out: “I love you, Sir!” And I repeated that when you carried on your tour on the ground level. Both times, you humbly replied: “Thank you”. I am really so glad I didn’t allow the thin-skinned Asian part of me to control my actions that day. I got to tell Lee Kuan Yew my admiration for him, AND he heard it. What a feeling!

When I went to SGH with my family, all four of us went dressed in your favourite shirt colour, pink. I cried that night as I knew the end was near. True enough, six hours later, your death would leave the whole of Singapore grieving.

I have not stopped crying since I heard about your death at dawn yesterday. SG50 and the NDP has lost its star. What a real shame you could not be there this Aug 9th! As a tribute to you, I am so happy to say that some members of my extended family will not waver when the elections next come around.

I grieve, not just for the loss of the Old Guard, but for the direction our country may take without your sagacity lighting our path. We were so blessed to have a leader of your class. I really cannot find another world leader whom I respect more than Lee Kuan Yew. You were truly the best!

I believe that it is because of your unwavering belief in meritocracy that I, a minority in both race and religion (Malayalee, Catholic), have never felt like a minority where it mattered. I’m proud of my status as a Singaporean, born and bred here. I’m still grieving but am lucky to have a family who supports and understands my feelings. My Lunar New Year decorations have come down, with black ribbons in their place. That’s the very least I can do for the man who spent his entire adult life in single-minded pursuit of the betterment of his people.

Your frugality, candour and honesty are values that I cherish and can identify with. You walked the talk. How many of us can say that? The country mourns, Mr Lee. We hurt so much. SG50 will now be a poignant celebration for many of us. I would love to celebrate your achievements. Instead, I am filled with sorrow, and rancour at the detractors. I am awaiting Time to heal me.

But at least, the silver lining is: You are finally at rest, together with the love of your life.

Singapore misses her Papa. 

Sherley Servos

*****

In Memory of Lee Kuan Yew

No words can express my grief and sorrow on hearing your demise. I was born in 1956 to a immigrant Hakka Chinese parents and grew up witnessing the tumultuous period of late 50s and early 60s where there were frequent workers and student strikes led by the communist front and also the big racial riot in 1964. Things got better after independence in 1965 as Singapore rapidly transformed itself from a third world country to a first world country under your wise leadership and great foresight. I remember growing up living in a cramp, rented 2 storey pre-war shophouse at Bali Lane (near Beach Road) with no modern sanitary and then moved to a HDB flat in 1971 at Syed Alwi Road with modern sanitary and bigger living space. To me, that was the most uplifting moment in my life. I was very fortunate that upon my graduation from NUS in ’81, I could easily find a job as Singapore’s economy was booming in the early 80s. I managed to save enough to buy a landed home in ’91. I owed all these progression in life to you as you laid a strong foundation for Singapore to grow economically. Both my parents are dead now, but they would have felt the same sense of gratitude as I have for you for touching our lives.

I salute to you, sir, the father of modern Singapore. May you rest in peace.

Choong Ying Pan

*****

Dear MM Lee,

I am deeply grieved by your passing. I am just an ordinary Singaporean, once young filled with rage and took the convenient way out by blaming everything not in my favour to the environment, the country, the government but NEVER myself. Looking back, I didn’t realise you and your government has created a great platform for Singaporeans. I have benefited from this peaceful, equal opportunity state. I am now a successful individual managing 11 countries in Asia Pacific, the more I travel for work, the more I am left with pure awe of your ability to transform Singapore and making sure it stays ahead of it’s neighbours. For many years now I look upon to your style of working, character, gut to apply it to my daily life/work.

I have read all your books and research into the history of all your contributions, tough choices you made (of course not all are happy). I realised one very important lesson from you. Do what is right, not what is convenient. You stood your ground in times of adversity, turbulence times we are shielded from because you have gone through it so that the future generations like us are now living in a clean, safe and prosperous country we call home.

I typed this with a heavy heart. You are like a father to me although I have not even shake your hands. Your inspiration are skin deep. Rest in peace father of Singapore. We will continue to fight for Singapore and I will make sure my children, grandchildren to be fully aware of all the contributions, attributes of a great leader to be passed down. As you said ” Look at the Horizon, follow that rainbow, Go ride it”

Rest in peace father. you have done more than enough for Singapore, Wishing you eternal happy life with Mr Lee. If there is a choice, I wish you to be our leader again. Thank you for everything father of Singapore.

Edward Ho

*****

I am only sixteen but i broke down after hearing the passing of Singapore’s first Prime Minister. I am only sixteen but I felt angry when my peers said that i should not feel dejected about the passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew. I am only sixteen but I respect Mr Lee Kuan Yew greatly because of what he did for me, for us. I am only sixteen but i want to thank Mr Lee Kuan Yew for bringing us here, to where Singapore is now. Thank you Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Hanie Sofea

*****

Dear Mr Lee Kuan Yew

I was not yet born when you fought fiercely and persistently for the independence of Singapore. I first knew you through my history textbook, on TV and bcos you are our Prime Minister. It was a few years back that I got to usher you on stage for Lee Kuan Yew Water Prize Award in 2010 & 2011, got to speak to you and listened to you at a close door dialogue session that I was moved by your wisdom, charisma and truly understand the reasons why you spent your lifetime building Singapore and the vision you had for Singapore. No one had done so much for us, for Singapore. Thank you very much. Be assured, this is our Singapore, we will continue to care for it like the way you do. Rest in peace, you will be missed and remembered.

Lee Ker Peng

*****

Sir, I first saw you in 1959 at an election rally in Newton (Clemenceau Avenue). At 9 years of age, I did not understand the message in your speech. It was your voice that reminded me of the roar of a lion, lions that I have seen kept at that open patch during circus performances. The only word that I kept repeating after your speech was “MERDEKA” which still rings in my ears.

The most joyous gift that you gave this 15 year old secondary 3 student in 1965 was the declaration of independence. I got up the next day and realized that I only had to sing MAJULAH SINGAPURA at the school assembly. Truly it was a most liberating day and I sang our national anthem with more than the usual gusto. Thank you for that moment sir.

Your voice is that of the lion. Your courage is that of the lion. Your guardianship of our nation is that of the lion. You are the SINGA in Singapore. Sir, please reincarnate and come back to Singapore to lead the nation for another 50 glorious years.

Chandra Subramaniam

*****

Every little girl’s dad is her hero and I am no exception. From young, I hung on to every word my dad said and I knew how much Lee Kuan Yew as a person meant to him. I adored Mr Lee before I knew what he meant to the country and that adoration evolved into reverence as I learned about him in school.

At bedtime, my dad used to regal us with stories of this giant of a man and I was in constant awe of his prowess, his fearlessness and the ability to captivate anyone when he speaks. During family dinners, the entire clan would get into a heated discussion on politics and my dad’s unwavering support for Mr Lee only showed how much he meant to his citizens.

Today as a Singaporean, this loss is huge but as a daughter who has to witness her dad’s grievance, it is heartbreaking. While the world grapples with his loss, I am somewhat comforted that he now gets to be with his beloved. Among the many stories I was told, my favorite was Mr and Mrs Lee’s love story but at the risk of sounding like a naive girl it was something I never shared openly.

Dear Sir, thank you for being my dad’s hero and this country’s founding father but we now bid you farewell. Rest in peace.

Love,

The Ramasamy Family

Gayathri Ramasamy

*****

向来治国非易事 建国更是难中难

李子为民终生献 鞠躬尽瘁众了然

光辉功绩世赞叹 深谋远虑岂偶然

耀照本土新加坡 德泽友国各联邦

致虚守静万物观 生老病死人之常

敬业乐业功德彰 此生不枉亦无憾 

李明新

*****

I have a grandfather who carries a photo in his wallet and it isn’t a photo of his wife or any of his 7 children. It is a photo cut out from a magazine of you – Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Whenever there is a slight mention of your name somewhere, my 80-over-year old grandpa would start telling his story about the time when he volunteered at Kreta Ayer for PAP during polling season. My favourite part of the story was how you spotted him from inside the black Studebaker that you were driving, asked him where he was headed, then waved and told him to hop in.

My grandpa has always dreamt of the chance to meet you again in person ever since you became Prime Minister but he never got the chance to. You probably wouldn’t remember him anyway but he remembers you fondly. And he respects and if I dare say ‘idolizes’ you. Even though I do not know you but I respect you from hearing the stories my grandpa would tell me and from knowing about your works throughout history.

There is nothing much left to say that has not already been said. I only fear for tomorrow knowing that your watchful eyes are now asleep, resting in peace. May Singapore continue to fight the good fight and prevail as the nation you have always dreamed for us to be. On behalf of my grandpa and my family, thank you Mr Lee.

Jasmine Wong

*****

Since i was a young adult, i have wanted to meet Mr Lee Kuan Yew in person, shake his hand and have a simple photograph taken with him. That was not to be. In many ways, i am a product and beneficiary of the systems that was created in the formative years of Singapore especially my education which Mr Lee obviously has a part to play in it. I always felt very appreciative that i have a decent command of English because of it.

My mum shared with me when i was younger that a person’s time of passing has some meaning to it. Mr Lee Kuan Yew left peacefully early this morning just past 3am. I found out about it when i woke up at about 5am on Facebook newsfeed and to many Singaporeans too, they probably know about it first thing when they woke up on a brand new week. In my heart, i was thinking our former PM chosed to leave at a most appropriate time, at the quietest of time when most of his Singaporeans are in deep sleep, so as not to arouse or disturb them. In one of his memoirs, Mr Lee mentioned that Singapore is always on his mind. I believe that in his last breath and consciousness, he was still thinking of Singapore, his life work. I think it is like that. It surely is. And this kept me awake till dawn rise. Thank You Mr Lee.

“But Singapore is an ever-growing concern. Singapore is my concern till the end of my life."
– Mr Lee Kuan Yew (taken from the book ‘Hard Truths To Keep Singapore Going’)

Chia Kok Liang

*****

We would not be who we are today, or where we are without Mr Lee Kuan Yew. I see this very starkly when I compare ourselves with others in regional countries and in developed countries. Singapore has given us the unique combination of opportunity (education, training, language proficiency, connectivity) and manageable competition; such that we able to excel and stand out as regional leaders in our fields. Full credit has to be given to Mr Lee for having engineered such a system and environment. His vision, foresight, strategic planning, and governance are unrivalled. His intellect and volubility are formidable. Great leaders do not come by often. Here was such a great leader.

The most poignant moment for me was when I was part of his entourage overseas. Service personnel are often ignored and left in the background. But Mr Lee asked me after his formal dinner on the way back “Have you eaten?”. Upon discovering that dinner had not been provided for his support staff, his minders were swiftly reprimanded for their neglect and this never happened again. It painted a human side to the great man and told me that he cared for his people.

SSC

*****

Dearest Mr Lee,

I can still remember the smiling on your face in end of Year 2013, at SGH. During that time, my mom and i was at the SGH, couldn’t remember which ward of which floor. My father was admitted to SGH, right away arrived at Changi Airport from Tawau, Sabah on the same day.

While we were taking some rest at the area near the lift entrance, we saw 2-3 security officers standing beside a ward not far away and 1 security officer standing beside the lift. Then 1 gentleman came out from the lift alone. Yes! he is Mr Lee!! i’ve never seen him face to face..only on TV. He smiled at my mom and me….so close… so warmth… there were no security officers walking with him… he was just like a friendly gentleman. I should have had to shake hand and take a photo of him…

VIPs are always accompanied by bodyguards, but what i saw that day, Mr Lee was different, the Father of Singapore. You are the Giant! RIP Mr Lee.

Agnes Yap Chiu San

*****

(And the last but most entertaining tribute)

Dear Lao Ah Pek (Elderly Grandpa)

Sir, you may not remembered me but I certainly do. I was born in 1970 and you were doing a school visit when I was in primary school. Not knowing who you were then, i blurted out in Hokkien; ‘Who is that Lao Ah Pek?’ All my teachers face turned pale and one of your followers spoke to me in a harsh voice, “why are you so ill mannered!’

You spoke waving him away,’ no no no! thats who i am and how I would like to be know as when I am with the commoners!’ you said something to me in English and i replied in Hokkien again for I just changed from Chinese stream to English stream. ‘I don’t know what you mean’

You stroked my head and said to me in Chinese, '好好念书', smiled and moved on. That’s how easy going you are! No ‘high and mighty’ status, genuine care and concern is what I remembered.

So, rest well Lao Ah Pek! You will not be forgotten!!!

* I called you Lao Ah Pek for you were around the same age as my grandpa then.

Yours respectively.

Ang Yang

*****

Somehow, when the term "powerful politician" comes up, you'd expect a hard-headed, cold-hearted and ruthless man who steps over everything to get things done. That may have been how the Western media portrayed him to be (of course, he had done certain things which he should not have, but may I dare say it was always in the interest of our country.) 

But somehow, after reading the tributes to him from people in all walks of life (foreign and local politicians, uncles, young ones, friends, family..), I conclude that he was a multi-faceted man - a respectable man on the international arena, an extremely far-sighted leader, a boss who believed in developing his subordinates, a loving and gentle husband, a principled man who kept to his values of trust and honesty, a frugal man despite his status (check out his living room, it is obvious that this man was never taken in by any sort of material riches that accompanied his stature), a man relatable and genuine to the common man (enough for the older generation to know him affectionately as "老李") and most of all, a man who loved his country to put his whole life into building it into where it is today. 

He ruled with an iron fist but a gentle heart, and because of that, look at the transformation in our nation and the lives he has impacted today. No words could describe how I feel now that the world has lost a great man.

Cleaning my box.

Whenever the radar in my head starts beeping at the mess in my room, you can be sure it is a heck of a great big mess. The space has felt tinier for the last year because my sister has officially settled in Singapore, and for the first time in 12 years, I had to share a space with some one. It hasn't been easy! Not going into lifestyle/expectation differences, but even as I felt the mess was piling up and getting out of hand, I couldn't take that few days to declutter the space because I usually take my time and it will be highly inconvenient for her.

She moved out since the beginning of this month into a pretty new(pun intended) space, which I still have yet to visit because of the busyness over the last 2 weeks with Gong gong's hospitalisation and passing. But before I go visit her, I've decided to do what I've longed to do since forever..

ROOM OVERHAUL.

I feel tired and oily, and I've a mess around me which I threw out on the floor and don't know how to get rid off. That is my strategy- chuck everything out of its place onto the floor, and I've no choice but to clean it up. The sheer amount of clothes I have disgusts me- 2 big duffel bags and 2 suitcases. I gotta find a way to mass-carousell it without spending too much time. (And as I speak, I actually have some clothes shipping from taobao, why don't I learn my lesson) I've 3 guitars + 1 ruan + 1 keyboard in my room. How did I amass so many instruments (which I haven't touched in a long time and they are screaming out for me to do so.)

Wish me luck.

Bursting at the seams with happiness

I must confess, I really struggle in knowing how much of myself to bare to the world. I wanna come to a point where I am being completely honest, not putting on a front about who I am or even some kinda perceived spirituality of wholesomeness plagued with perpetual joy or something, which, when you have accepted Christ but not be in Christ, you might be inclined to start kidding yourself by burying issues and deep hurts. I want to be authentic and true in my struggles but yet also acknowledge the fact that in these struggles, that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter whether I believe or not. And also, there are days where I just wanna be a little girl and thank God simply because it was a happy day.

Like how today is one such day, meeting 2 funny girls, Weiwen and Zel for a quick little high tea. We had some crazy banoffee pie, cinnamon kouign amann-like pastry and lemon tart! Quick chat and I enjoyed it so much just because it was a perfect combo and great company and sweets.

And then later, meeting Mr Lau for a walk at the green corridor. Stickiness aside, we revelled in the amazing good weather and I, in pleasant company of him just being beside me, pointing out and talking about everything under the sun.

Joy came in 2 instances- an accidental discovery of how we both experience God deeply through nature. I fail to verbalise this joy in its richness and intensity; all I can say is that it's a thousand fold more awesome than sharing the same love for any kind of music or book. Secondly, he prayed for my upcoming work trip. It made me think back on the times of his selfless support in outreaching and ministry by praying with me, helping me in little ways like talking me through problems and giving me advice, having faith in me and voicing out that support, taking on the load what I could not.

Going back to that prayer instance, it made my heart so full of thanksgiving for God in gifting us with this relationship, and so full of love for him! I love how his giving heart has seen us through so many rough patches, and I love that he is such a man of God (and an incredibly cute one at that).