I started volunteering regularly with the YMCA before starting Uni. I was doing a little relief teaching before starting school, but other than that I was extremely free and wanted to spend my time more meaningfully.
Had been following a friend's LJ about her experiences with volunteering and I decided to join them for YCamp - a bi/tri annual camp by the YMCA for the intellectually and physically disabled adults. It was a 3 day camp that exposed us to things like high elements and the usual camp games, aimed to let these adults step out of their comfort zone to learn life skills and values. Other than the friendships and the privilege to learn from them, I went away from that camp with a renewed sense of perspective about life. All my life, I had just been cruising along and just leading life as it was presented on a platter. I was exposed to current affairs and social issues in school, but it never hit me that these were tangible and real. My own life and worries were larger than these things, but in that July of 2007, it hit me that there were things beyond myself that I wanted to be a part of.
It was just the beginning of my purpose awakening, but it was a tough struggle.
I continued volunteering weekly with the YMCA, did an internship with them, planned many camps, etc. There were times I felt dry, especially when I was overwhelmed by my own personal problems and busyness at school. I struggled, because as someone in a constant reflective flux, I also started to question my own intentions. Am I just doing all that I am doing to fulfil my own (selfish) desires of self-actualisation, making myself feel better as I volunteer with people less fortunate than I am because I sympathise and pity them? In seeking the answer to this question, I even went on an internship to India, learnt much about education, travelled the whole of South East Asia, meeting new friends along the way. I couldn't close this gap, growing even more disillusioned with life. Just as I thought I had found a purpose, I couldn't accept how at the end of the day, I was doing this for my own benefit.
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At the end of 2010, I met God when I was reading a book called "Changing the World Through Kindness". In that book, I found out that people who knew God didn't love or help people out of sympathy or pity, they did so because in knowing God's love, they couldn't help it but overflow with God's love. Think of them as empty vessels, and God filling them up with lots and lots of His love, and these people were so joyful to be in God's presence that they bled and overflowed with His love.
God's love is not one born out of pity, it is one born out of love of His sons and daughters. The closest relationship is the one our parents share with us. And when Jesus came down to earth as His son, He showed us how to love each other as brothers and sisters.
After realising that God wasn't some weird, mysterious and judgmental creature, I really wanted to experience it for myself. I decided to break down the walls that I had against Christianity (there were many) and decided to acknowledge Him.
The journey's been bumpy, but it's the most favourite journey of my life to date. No longer is there no light at the end of the dark tunnel, but I grew to see Him in all situations in my life, be it good or bad. He shows Himself us in the most divine ways and guides me in so many things in life- values, choices, even planting me in places where He knows people need and long for Him.
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So the answer to why I serve?
Firstly, I serve because I'm driven by His love, having experienced it myself.
Secondly, I serve because I know He loves people. No matter who we are, whether we know Him or not, whether we have ever done bad or unforgivable things, it doesn't change the fact that He loves every single person in this world. In this, He gives me His heart for people by speaking to me about their situations in life. In this understanding, He also guides me in what in do.
How, in such circumstances, do I withhold and keep this great Love to myself?
I simply can't, but be His humble servant.
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