forgiveness

It's easy to become parched. Work for 10-12 hour days, weeks on end. Spend more than 2 hours packed like sardines on the train everyday. Crash when you get home, with work nagging at the back of your mind.

That's my life right now.

Just as an exercise of self-reflection, I put my 22 year old self into the situation I am in right now- the self that had yet to know God.

I think I would probably have spiralled into depression at the aimlessness of life.

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But even after knowing God, it's still a struggle when life overtakes you.

It's easy to lose focus. 

We all need something to get us through days, even as we may have a bigger picture in mind. For me, I know the reason why God put me at my workplace.

But when I started to spend less time with Him, I also started to derive satisfaction from cheap substitutes throughout the day. Not only that, I became more impatient, and lost my sense of empathy. My mind/second nature probed me to help, but my senses were numb; compassion lost. 

It's been a while now.

On thursday night, I just felt lousy.

As I made the decision to spend some time to worship him, this song came on, and the verses mirrored completely my thoughts/emotions. 

When it got to the chorus, I cried a puddle of tears as I got down on my knees, and repented for being steeped in my own desires, for letting Him down. 

And I ask you

How many times will you pick me up

When I keep on letting you down

And each time I will fall short of your glory

How far will forgiveness abound?

And You answer, “My child, I love you
And as long as you’re seeking My face
You’ll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace.”

Your kindness leads me to repentance.

Just eternally thankful that I've an Almighty Father who sees me not for the things that I do, but who I am to Him - His daughter.