my life has been madness!
it is so mad that i've decided not to bother with sentence case in this post.
first of all, i am extremely upset at the state of my room right now. no, disturbed. having these long nights out at work/ church-related stuff/ meetups do not help either. i need to take some rest, and do some clearing up of my room. and soul.
second of all, the beginning of work has marked the mortality of sleep for me. i've been busy. overlaps of deadlines of multiple projects. though, i must say, i really like research. just not the whole managing of projects part. i'm extremely bad with managing multiple to-dos and things always slip through my pea brain. but that is something i want to get better at. for a while, i struggled with being efficient. compartmentalisation of thoughts have helped, but could get way better.
third, i've said this countless of times, but i really need to spend some time in God's presence. of course, i still am reminded of Him throughout the day and as i go about making the many decisions in life. but i've not had time to soak in His presence, just enjoying some alone time talking to Him. prayer of late has been a one-way communication where i just assert my requests and do not even wait for Him to speak. and those are only in desperate times. the rest of the time, i just knock out at the end of the day. see, even the way i write has been stripped bare and flowers have wilted in paragraphs and i no longer write as poetic as i used to. communing with God will bring back that beauty in life.
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felt a little emotional while worshipping Him this saturday. it was after 2 sleepless nights of subtitling and attempting to export serene's wedding video from final cut pro (which had me on my toes till 9 a.m. on the morning of the wedding, freaking out and making last minute plans to do a raw preview directly from my comp. next time, plan ahead for contingencies as such. but thank you God for showing up; my desperate pleas must have been heard by You.). i had not much strength to even lift my hands to sing, but in those weak moments that i felt my physical body was going to cave, i seriously felt thankful to God for sustaining me through the week.
sermon this week was also insightful. the preacher covered some interesting points to reflect upon our speech, not so much as a reflection of who people would think we are, but the motivations and intentions behind speech. reflection was not so much upon my speech, but more upon my actions. well, to cut things short, i realised that not all pure-intentioned actions are good, as how not all good actions are pure-intentioned. i guess in the former, that requires communication, and in the latter, a distillation of motivations. interesting thought that i will keep in mind in the next few days.
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in this week, i'm thankful for family who keep me grounded in life. doing simple things like celebrating papa's birthday with him, bantering and discussing life with the siblings, being able to sit down on sunday afternoons to chat with mi mama and papa, it's a great feeling!
han yang has been a great pillar of support- sitting by watching the bags while i filmed last sunday, putting his god-speed typing skills to good use by transcribing the video in 15 mins (or less), spending our lunch time at the printer's, going down to the florist to pick up flowers together with me (and knowing the essentials of flower arrangement - what a rare breed), accompanying me to the church the day before to help in decorations. in what were once one-man experiences, made much more fun in his presence. to see him lay down his what-could-have-been-more-productively spent time with me, i've felt blessed beyond measure.
it is so mad that i've decided not to bother with sentence case in this post.
first of all, i am extremely upset at the state of my room right now. no, disturbed. having these long nights out at work/ church-related stuff/ meetups do not help either. i need to take some rest, and do some clearing up of my room. and soul.
second of all, the beginning of work has marked the mortality of sleep for me. i've been busy. overlaps of deadlines of multiple projects. though, i must say, i really like research. just not the whole managing of projects part. i'm extremely bad with managing multiple to-dos and things always slip through my pea brain. but that is something i want to get better at. for a while, i struggled with being efficient. compartmentalisation of thoughts have helped, but could get way better.
third, i've said this countless of times, but i really need to spend some time in God's presence. of course, i still am reminded of Him throughout the day and as i go about making the many decisions in life. but i've not had time to soak in His presence, just enjoying some alone time talking to Him. prayer of late has been a one-way communication where i just assert my requests and do not even wait for Him to speak. and those are only in desperate times. the rest of the time, i just knock out at the end of the day. see, even the way i write has been stripped bare and flowers have wilted in paragraphs and i no longer write as poetic as i used to. communing with God will bring back that beauty in life.
-----
felt a little emotional while worshipping Him this saturday. it was after 2 sleepless nights of subtitling and attempting to export serene's wedding video from final cut pro (which had me on my toes till 9 a.m. on the morning of the wedding, freaking out and making last minute plans to do a raw preview directly from my comp. next time, plan ahead for contingencies as such. but thank you God for showing up; my desperate pleas must have been heard by You.). i had not much strength to even lift my hands to sing, but in those weak moments that i felt my physical body was going to cave, i seriously felt thankful to God for sustaining me through the week.
sermon this week was also insightful. the preacher covered some interesting points to reflect upon our speech, not so much as a reflection of who people would think we are, but the motivations and intentions behind speech. reflection was not so much upon my speech, but more upon my actions. well, to cut things short, i realised that not all pure-intentioned actions are good, as how not all good actions are pure-intentioned. i guess in the former, that requires communication, and in the latter, a distillation of motivations. interesting thought that i will keep in mind in the next few days.
-----
in this week, i'm thankful for family who keep me grounded in life. doing simple things like celebrating papa's birthday with him, bantering and discussing life with the siblings, being able to sit down on sunday afternoons to chat with mi mama and papa, it's a great feeling!
han yang has been a great pillar of support- sitting by watching the bags while i filmed last sunday, putting his god-speed typing skills to good use by transcribing the video in 15 mins (or less), spending our lunch time at the printer's, going down to the florist to pick up flowers together with me (and knowing the essentials of flower arrangement - what a rare breed), accompanying me to the church the day before to help in decorations. in what were once one-man experiences, made much more fun in his presence. to see him lay down his what-could-have-been-more-productively spent time with me, i've felt blessed beyond measure.
han yang gifted me red roses/white eustoma combi on my birthday, which was also polling day. also because i really love Singapore (he knows me best)! (am holding off any comments that points towards my political preferences here because i don't want to simplify such a complex conclusion over a photo of me awing at flowers hehe)
i got to spend last sunday with my christmas family :) oh, this joy could bury, 10-fold, any magnitude of festered sadness.
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