where are the wells of which thoughts flow from?

i don't know why i'm awake, but i am.
my eyes are crying out for cucumbers.

in the midst of pulling together some thoughts about the year that has just passed. and of course, working out the mandatory new year resolutions.

it's been a year of self-mining- looking deep within, examining motives and motivations and desires and convictions and self-interests.

not selfish, but definitely self-centred. but might i say that because it couldn't get rawer than this, coming clean and honest before God, that this introspection was a way of distilling the self, and the only way that i could move on from all those hurts in my life that had me building habits and strange thought processes that prevented me from being fully yielded in His purpose.

i don't know the deep waters this will bring me into
i don't know how i could piece them together into a coherent portrait and fit them into this 24th year of existence

but i do know, that what ever that took place in 2012 will mark a pivotal point in the way life will move forward from now on.

i hear the early bird call, and my heart sinks into the dawn of the day.