The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

it's funny how i always thought i didn't need to relate to the satire of kundera, and then last weekend happened, of how initial sweet reverences of thought that lingered after every last word of a sentence, turned cheapened inelegance when fears choke up those words that you want but are afraid of being spoken or misunderstood to a woodblock with occasional expressions of incredulity. the fear of perceived connection all these while, the brushes with realisation of insanity and delusion- it's a powerful awakening.

lately all my entries have been seasoned with bleak. like whirling in the wilderness of a hurricane, spinning around in thoughts of my own, the ones that others throw my way- some with absolute disdain, some because they understand, some for the lack of (but at the end of the day, all out of love). and as i reach a point of saturation in the thoughts of others, i am making my way back to my heart, and aligning them with God. it's nice to know who to go back to. hopefully, in between disconnected dusks and dawns, that soon i will reach the eye of the hurricane.

***

i've realised, over the week, that 

mortality of simplicity in life is a choice

fresh perspectives catalyse healing

i really like popcorn chicken with ketchup

also, soggy curry fries. (ewf!)
salty salty stuff

today i am here to say

the weekend is here!

hurray!

the cold beckons for more time on my pillow
but what i really need now is a plunge into cold waters,

the feeling of
control

solitude 

lightness of matter that the soul fills

and the potential to be filled once again

***

<random>

last night was awesome.

here's a picture with a soulmate

 i love how when i'm around her, 

sentences complete themselves.
i could lose myself in her selflessness 

and insanity loses its in.
oh. sweet thoughts.
</random>

***

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

i hated those limpy orange and blue locks, the unattractive male and female leads, how dirty and unromantic they made boston out to be, the irrelevance and weirdness of how i could never find something in that film to relate to my own life.

but suddenly, rewinding the cassette tape of grey matter, and saying hello again in a different time space way doesn't seem all that disdainful anymore.

what i would like to know is
was it just the play of events
the spark in foreign space
the prolonged pondering in drought
imagination of perceived connection
that fueled such intensity?

or had we met in any other way less romantic
that we could have merely just turned out as superficial friends?

so this morning,
Nietzsche claims (and perhaps the only 2 claims of his i would hold claim to),

there is always some madness in love. 
but there is also always some reason in madness.

and in all reason of being which most would ill find disagreement,

without music, life would be a mistake.

it's time to make some!