today Ps Simon preached about knowledge of the embodiment of the spirit of God when one is able to see God's favour in all circumstances. that we can even be joyful about shitty spots in our lives and know this is all part of the process of moulding to the fulfillment of His purpose for us.
had this stored in my drafts and thought it could draw some parallels with today's sermon.
there are days where i fumble.
there are days where i feel trapped in the cycle of a comfortable habit.
there are days where i am self-absorbed.
there are days where i think about relationships, and how i could have handled them better.
there are days i wanna turn the clock the other way.
there are days where i get so hopelessly drawn into the past me, the person that i once was.
there is a queer romanticism in getting lost in one's thoughts. when you don't draw boundaries, you could imagine how these thoughts go out of this world, past the clouds and galaxies, flutter past souls and hearts and goes beyond reach. much like how everything has a centre of attraction, the creation of thoughts solidify them into matter, lending to a centre of attraction that cloyingly sticks to you and like a vortex, draws your entire being into them. it is seductive, almost desirable, to be a slave to our creations.
but, as we lay in bed before turning off the night lights, it sinks in. or maybe we're are just too exhausted and crash- the feeling carries over to daylight. it is akin to that of a hangover. or post-crappy joint. a swell of disconnect that weighs down the left of our chests- the heaviness of an emptiness.
the turning point for me in my walk with God was one of which head knowledge translated to heart knowledge, some time at the beginning of this year. i read about testimonies, watched how He moved among the different nationalities, comprehended His heart for the people of the world, reflected on how He had guided me and blessed me through those dark days of my life. it made me cry real and hard tears. i remembered watching Passion, and it shook me so much i starting sobbing uncontrollably throughout the whole movie in front of my laptop screen.
ha ha. i know, it is such a silly spot to be hit by the glory and love of God, but that was really my transformative point. it was really crazy. that experience remains so so real and so close to me because it was the first time the tangible presence and love of God was revealed so powerfully to me. all i can say is that, this kinda experience stays within you. it shakes your entire being and perception of the world, and nothing is ever quite the same after. you literally feel a different spirit running through you, and you experience an entire new spectrum of emotions- the positive, radiant, loving sort. everything i experienced, the people whom i interacted with, the perspectives i held all took a 180 change. it is amazing being filled with God's love. you want to pray, you want to minister, you want to love.
and back to where i was, on days that i feel so weak and a prisoner to my thoughts, this is what i turn to. knowing that He is real. knowing that He wants to help me.
i pray.
and He has never failed.
just 2 simple points tonight.
1) if we want our lives transformed, we ought to yearn, seek and pray dangerously for it.
2) the secret to staying close to Him in all circumstances is faith, and can only be cultivated by true experience of His pure, unadulterated love.
so i'm keeping Ephesians 3:16-19 close to me. let it be a prayer to the fulfillment of Proverbs 3:3!
not by my might or power but by Your Spirit.
had this stored in my drafts and thought it could draw some parallels with today's sermon.
--
there are days where i fumble.
there are days where i feel trapped in the cycle of a comfortable habit.
there are days where i am self-absorbed.
there are days where i think about relationships, and how i could have handled them better.
there are days i wanna turn the clock the other way.
there are days where i get so hopelessly drawn into the past me, the person that i once was.
there is a queer romanticism in getting lost in one's thoughts. when you don't draw boundaries, you could imagine how these thoughts go out of this world, past the clouds and galaxies, flutter past souls and hearts and goes beyond reach. much like how everything has a centre of attraction, the creation of thoughts solidify them into matter, lending to a centre of attraction that cloyingly sticks to you and like a vortex, draws your entire being into them. it is seductive, almost desirable, to be a slave to our creations.
but, as we lay in bed before turning off the night lights, it sinks in. or maybe we're are just too exhausted and crash- the feeling carries over to daylight. it is akin to that of a hangover. or post-crappy joint. a swell of disconnect that weighs down the left of our chests- the heaviness of an emptiness.
--
and i thought life was gonna be smooth sailing after receiving His forgiveness.
we listen to testimonies of life transformation in others, and want the same life change, the same amazing things to happen. but we sit around, twirling our hair and fiddling with our thumbs, waiting for that supernatural transformation and healing to occur.
we listen to testimonies of life transformation in others, and want the same life change, the same amazing things to happen. but we sit around, twirling our hair and fiddling with our thumbs, waiting for that supernatural transformation and healing to occur.
i could tell you that God is the miracle, beyond nature, whom can heal us instantaneously. you know, He could very well. but Kingdom economics just doesn't operate that way. at least, if you've been sitting around waiting for something to happen and it hasn't, something must be missing in the equation.
have we yearned enough, have we seeked enough, have we prayed enough?
it is common knowledge that we want the best for ourselves. it is head knowledge that God knows what's best for us. and thus, logically, we should always depend on Him for wisdom and direction. but why is it that we struggle to obey Him in the toughest moments?
i've heard my fellow Christians. they say, "have faith!"
seriously, how does one possess faith?
i've realised that at the end of the day, faith cannot exist without the experience of the extent of His love.
i don't know what's best for myself. partly because it is not in human wisdom to fathom that elusive and abstract 'best', but also because i am fallen and weak. in my own strength to fight off temptations of the world, the meagre love i have for myself and the perceived long term returns of building a good and righteous character is not enough to overcome the flippancy of the moment.
but of course this is where i come face to face with Jesus. nothing will draw me close to Him, nothing will make me desire more of Him, but the unshakable faith that i've cultivated from experiencing this- "He who loved, knows what's best for me."
but of course this is where i come face to face with Jesus. nothing will draw me close to Him, nothing will make me desire more of Him, but the unshakable faith that i've cultivated from experiencing this- "He who loved, knows what's best for me."
we could memorize the bible from cover to cover and be anointed to preach, but if we have not experienced the highest form of His love, nothing could ever save us when we hit the pit.
the turning point for me in my walk with God was one of which head knowledge translated to heart knowledge, some time at the beginning of this year. i read about testimonies, watched how He moved among the different nationalities, comprehended His heart for the people of the world, reflected on how He had guided me and blessed me through those dark days of my life. it made me cry real and hard tears. i remembered watching Passion, and it shook me so much i starting sobbing uncontrollably throughout the whole movie in front of my laptop screen.
ha ha. i know, it is such a silly spot to be hit by the glory and love of God, but that was really my transformative point. it was really crazy. that experience remains so so real and so close to me because it was the first time the tangible presence and love of God was revealed so powerfully to me. all i can say is that, this kinda experience stays within you. it shakes your entire being and perception of the world, and nothing is ever quite the same after. you literally feel a different spirit running through you, and you experience an entire new spectrum of emotions- the positive, radiant, loving sort. everything i experienced, the people whom i interacted with, the perspectives i held all took a 180 change. it is amazing being filled with God's love. you want to pray, you want to minister, you want to love.
and back to where i was, on days that i feel so weak and a prisoner to my thoughts, this is what i turn to. knowing that He is real. knowing that He wants to help me.
i pray.
and He has never failed.
just 2 simple points tonight.
1) if we want our lives transformed, we ought to yearn, seek and pray dangerously for it.
2) the secret to staying close to Him in all circumstances is faith, and can only be cultivated by true experience of His pure, unadulterated love.
so i'm keeping Ephesians 3:16-19 close to me. let it be a prayer to the fulfillment of Proverbs 3:3!
not by my might or power but by Your Spirit.
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