My life in the past 8

So the next phase of my life officially begins tomorrow after 8 months. I know, an 8-month break seems like a long spell by any standards, and especially so for someone like me who could never have passed a summer break without looking for a part time job or internship. But I'm extremely thankful for such a spell that allowed me to rest, spend time with the family and Han Yang, be a part of serving the church in singing and acting (that led to many breakthroughs), a brief stint with CNA doing historical research which rekindled my love for research and led me to apply for the job I'm about to start.

It has been amazing how things fell together and how God has blessed me with these opportunities that allowed me to reconnect to the things I love, especially after 2.5 years of working. I had almost forgotten how it felt like to spend hours poring over a good book or on a hobby. It feels good to be steeped in something to the point of forgetting everything else in that time. Reading, singing, sewing (I tried mending my broken sewing machine, hello to a new sewing machine soon!), drawing/designing with illustrator, wrapping flowers and videography (gonna be helping Serene with video for her wedding).

On top of that, I know that God had intended for me to be free so that I got the chance to be with Gong gong in his final months. The time spent taking care of him, praying, talking to him were tender moments shared between us that I will always keep close to my heart. He had contracted pneumonia over Chinese New Year, and I had really wanted him to get better. When I was back to visit, I saw how he was suffering from extended coughing episodes and it broke my heart so.

Hopeless and in despair, I pleaded with God for him to be well. In one of my prayers to him, a still small voice told me "Hui Xin, share with him about my Love and ask him to accept me first." I didn't want to believe that was true, but I knew Gong gong wasn't going to get any better. I have always wanted to ask him whether he wanted to accept Jesus, but I didn't know how, and I was so scared! In these few years, Gong gong and I had gotten closer. He knew I was a Christian and he was always open to sharing and prayer. But I never took the next step to ask him whether he believed in Jesus.

And right now, there was no way I would have the guts to share if God didn't prompt me to. I wrestled. I told God "Please give me a confirmation, and I will share." 5 minutes later, my phone beeped. It was from a friend whom I had just got to know the previous week, and she asked me about Gong gong. I said he wasn't doing well and was in the hospital. She said "I just thought I should ask you about grandpa and ask you to share about Christ with him." Ah, God speaks in so many ways. I was extremely comforted to know that God was with me.

It was the afternoon I was all alone in the ward with him. I shared, albeit rather incoherently. Gong gong shook his head rather vehemently when I asked him whether he wanted to accept Christ. Oh. But I knew God had told me to! I wasn't about to give up. The next day, he had gotten worse. I was with mama and jie, and I decided to pray for his coughing and wheezing to stop. I decided then, to share again. After that, I looked him in his eyes and asked "公公，您要不要接受神?" Gong gong looked at me, and NODDED HIS HEAD. I was shocked with joy. I couldn't believe it! I was so happy I shed tears. Gong gong was going to heaven, he was going to meet Jesus! We said a prayer for him. I was comforted that God was looking after him, because the night before I went to Malacca, I had dreamt that there were angels surrounding his bed.

The next day, Gong gong passed away peacefully. I cried because I was going to miss my cute Gong gong, but there was a deep joy in knowing that I would see him again soon.

I took a brief break during the 7 day wake to settle things back in Singapore, and received a call for an interview. A day after the wake, I went for the interview. In 3 days, they got back and offered me a job.

It took me a while to accept the offer as I had really wanted to work on policy/research/VWO development in the governmental social sector (they hadn't got back to me at all). But after much seeking God and talking to people, I realised that this job did fit a lot of my job expectations, and it would build up skill sets that I'm interested in developing. So, I accepted it.

I would still like to work in the social sector one day, but till then, it's up to me to stay well-read in this area, possibly take a look at social work course syllabus and do some self-learning. For now, I'm pretty sure I will be as pumped up doing market research.

*******

Other than personal things in my life, in the past week I was deeply grieved at the passing of Mr Lee to the extent that I never thought possible. I read many articles from various sources about this extremely intelligent man, his ideas and who he was as a person. I cried buckets at the realisation of the world's loss of a great man, but also felt immense honour to be a part of this era and country where he governed and loved. How much of his legacy will live on in generations to come? In the midst of concretising some thoughts and reading his memoirs.

Till then.

Fraction of my hobbies.

Our Beloved Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Sir.

So our founding father has passed on this Monday. I never thought I would get so emotional about his death, but understanding who he was as a politician, husband, father, friend, colleague and citizen of Singapore and the world through various sources and sharings, I've never been more proud to have him as our leader. 

Singapore is a funny nation, filled with people with much opinion about their leaders and her government. I guess local social media has surfaced a lot of negative sentiments these few years, which was beginning to affect the way I see Singaporeans as an ungrateful, whiny, complaining bunch.

So, it was welcome sight to hear Singaporeans, or maybe some of the silent majority speak up and share such touching things about Mr Lee and what they appreciated about him. From them I gathered that this man had a lot of depth, strength and iron but also compassion for his people.

Thought I'd just share some memorable tributes while reading the LKY tribute page:

Dear Mr Lee,

I have been a lifelong fan. Yesterday was a day I’ve been dreading for many years now. Believe it or not, YOU are the main reason I attended every NDP since 2001 (I procured my tickets through various ways). Even when I could only get tickets to the Preview, I would cheer loudly when your stand-in appeared. If it made me look silly, so what?

Then, in 2010, I was lucky enough to meet you by chance when we were both at the Marina Barrage. I’d gone there, along with my extended family. Suddenly my sister rushed up to me and said: “Lee Kuan Yew is here!” Then, it was my turn to do the rushing. I raced up to the second level where you were. The crowd were all just silent in your awesome presence. I couldn’t restrain myself and shouted out: “I love you, Sir!” And I repeated that when you carried on your tour on the ground level. Both times, you humbly replied: “Thank you”. I am really so glad I didn’t allow the thin-skinned Asian part of me to control my actions that day. I got to tell Lee Kuan Yew my admiration for him, AND he heard it. What a feeling!

When I went to SGH with my family, all four of us went dressed in your favourite shirt colour, pink. I cried that night as I knew the end was near. True enough, six hours later, your death would leave the whole of Singapore grieving.

I have not stopped crying since I heard about your death at dawn yesterday. SG50 and the NDP has lost its star. What a real shame you could not be there this Aug 9th! As a tribute to you, I am so happy to say that some members of my extended family will not waver when the elections next come around.

I grieve, not just for the loss of the Old Guard, but for the direction our country may take without your sagacity lighting our path. We were so blessed to have a leader of your class. I really cannot find another world leader whom I respect more than Lee Kuan Yew. You were truly the best!

I believe that it is because of your unwavering belief in meritocracy that I, a minority in both race and religion (Malayalee, Catholic), have never felt like a minority where it mattered. I’m proud of my status as a Singaporean, born and bred here. I’m still grieving but am lucky to have a family who supports and understands my feelings. My Lunar New Year decorations have come down, with black ribbons in their place. That’s the very least I can do for the man who spent his entire adult life in single-minded pursuit of the betterment of his people.

Your frugality, candour and honesty are values that I cherish and can identify with. You walked the talk. How many of us can say that? The country mourns, Mr Lee. We hurt so much. SG50 will now be a poignant celebration for many of us. I would love to celebrate your achievements. Instead, I am filled with sorrow, and rancour at the detractors. I am awaiting Time to heal me.

But at least, the silver lining is: You are finally at rest, together with the love of your life.

Singapore misses her Papa. 

Sherley Servos

*****

In Memory of Lee Kuan Yew

No words can express my grief and sorrow on hearing your demise. I was born in 1956 to a immigrant Hakka Chinese parents and grew up witnessing the tumultuous period of late 50s and early 60s where there were frequent workers and student strikes led by the communist front and also the big racial riot in 1964. Things got better after independence in 1965 as Singapore rapidly transformed itself from a third world country to a first world country under your wise leadership and great foresight. I remember growing up living in a cramp, rented 2 storey pre-war shophouse at Bali Lane (near Beach Road) with no modern sanitary and then moved to a HDB flat in 1971 at Syed Alwi Road with modern sanitary and bigger living space. To me, that was the most uplifting moment in my life. I was very fortunate that upon my graduation from NUS in ’81, I could easily find a job as Singapore’s economy was booming in the early 80s. I managed to save enough to buy a landed home in ’91. I owed all these progression in life to you as you laid a strong foundation for Singapore to grow economically. Both my parents are dead now, but they would have felt the same sense of gratitude as I have for you for touching our lives.

I salute to you, sir, the father of modern Singapore. May you rest in peace.

Choong Ying Pan

*****

Dear MM Lee,

I am deeply grieved by your passing. I am just an ordinary Singaporean, once young filled with rage and took the convenient way out by blaming everything not in my favour to the environment, the country, the government but NEVER myself. Looking back, I didn’t realise you and your government has created a great platform for Singaporeans. I have benefited from this peaceful, equal opportunity state. I am now a successful individual managing 11 countries in Asia Pacific, the more I travel for work, the more I am left with pure awe of your ability to transform Singapore and making sure it stays ahead of it’s neighbours. For many years now I look upon to your style of working, character, gut to apply it to my daily life/work.

I have read all your books and research into the history of all your contributions, tough choices you made (of course not all are happy). I realised one very important lesson from you. Do what is right, not what is convenient. You stood your ground in times of adversity, turbulence times we are shielded from because you have gone through it so that the future generations like us are now living in a clean, safe and prosperous country we call home.

I typed this with a heavy heart. You are like a father to me although I have not even shake your hands. Your inspiration are skin deep. Rest in peace father of Singapore. We will continue to fight for Singapore and I will make sure my children, grandchildren to be fully aware of all the contributions, attributes of a great leader to be passed down. As you said ” Look at the Horizon, follow that rainbow, Go ride it”

Rest in peace father. you have done more than enough for Singapore, Wishing you eternal happy life with Mr Lee. If there is a choice, I wish you to be our leader again. Thank you for everything father of Singapore.

Edward Ho

*****

I am only sixteen but i broke down after hearing the passing of Singapore’s first Prime Minister. I am only sixteen but I felt angry when my peers said that i should not feel dejected about the passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew. I am only sixteen but I respect Mr Lee Kuan Yew greatly because of what he did for me, for us. I am only sixteen but i want to thank Mr Lee Kuan Yew for bringing us here, to where Singapore is now. Thank you Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Hanie Sofea

*****

Dear Mr Lee Kuan Yew

I was not yet born when you fought fiercely and persistently for the independence of Singapore. I first knew you through my history textbook, on TV and bcos you are our Prime Minister. It was a few years back that I got to usher you on stage for Lee Kuan Yew Water Prize Award in 2010 & 2011, got to speak to you and listened to you at a close door dialogue session that I was moved by your wisdom, charisma and truly understand the reasons why you spent your lifetime building Singapore and the vision you had for Singapore. No one had done so much for us, for Singapore. Thank you very much. Be assured, this is our Singapore, we will continue to care for it like the way you do. Rest in peace, you will be missed and remembered.

Lee Ker Peng

*****

Sir, I first saw you in 1959 at an election rally in Newton (Clemenceau Avenue). At 9 years of age, I did not understand the message in your speech. It was your voice that reminded me of the roar of a lion, lions that I have seen kept at that open patch during circus performances. The only word that I kept repeating after your speech was “MERDEKA” which still rings in my ears.

The most joyous gift that you gave this 15 year old secondary 3 student in 1965 was the declaration of independence. I got up the next day and realized that I only had to sing MAJULAH SINGAPURA at the school assembly. Truly it was a most liberating day and I sang our national anthem with more than the usual gusto. Thank you for that moment sir.

Your voice is that of the lion. Your courage is that of the lion. Your guardianship of our nation is that of the lion. You are the SINGA in Singapore. Sir, please reincarnate and come back to Singapore to lead the nation for another 50 glorious years.

Chandra Subramaniam

*****

Every little girl’s dad is her hero and I am no exception. From young, I hung on to every word my dad said and I knew how much Lee Kuan Yew as a person meant to him. I adored Mr Lee before I knew what he meant to the country and that adoration evolved into reverence as I learned about him in school.

At bedtime, my dad used to regal us with stories of this giant of a man and I was in constant awe of his prowess, his fearlessness and the ability to captivate anyone when he speaks. During family dinners, the entire clan would get into a heated discussion on politics and my dad’s unwavering support for Mr Lee only showed how much he meant to his citizens.

Today as a Singaporean, this loss is huge but as a daughter who has to witness her dad’s grievance, it is heartbreaking. While the world grapples with his loss, I am somewhat comforted that he now gets to be with his beloved. Among the many stories I was told, my favorite was Mr and Mrs Lee’s love story but at the risk of sounding like a naive girl it was something I never shared openly.

Dear Sir, thank you for being my dad’s hero and this country’s founding father but we now bid you farewell. Rest in peace.

Love,

The Ramasamy Family

Gayathri Ramasamy

*****

向来治国非易事 建国更是难中难

李子为民终生献 鞠躬尽瘁众了然

光辉功绩世赞叹 深谋远虑岂偶然

耀照本土新加坡 德泽友国各联邦

致虚守静万物观 生老病死人之常

敬业乐业功德彰 此生不枉亦无憾 

李明新

*****

I have a grandfather who carries a photo in his wallet and it isn’t a photo of his wife or any of his 7 children. It is a photo cut out from a magazine of you – Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Whenever there is a slight mention of your name somewhere, my 80-over-year old grandpa would start telling his story about the time when he volunteered at Kreta Ayer for PAP during polling season. My favourite part of the story was how you spotted him from inside the black Studebaker that you were driving, asked him where he was headed, then waved and told him to hop in.

My grandpa has always dreamt of the chance to meet you again in person ever since you became Prime Minister but he never got the chance to. You probably wouldn’t remember him anyway but he remembers you fondly. And he respects and if I dare say ‘idolizes’ you. Even though I do not know you but I respect you from hearing the stories my grandpa would tell me and from knowing about your works throughout history.

There is nothing much left to say that has not already been said. I only fear for tomorrow knowing that your watchful eyes are now asleep, resting in peace. May Singapore continue to fight the good fight and prevail as the nation you have always dreamed for us to be. On behalf of my grandpa and my family, thank you Mr Lee.

Jasmine Wong

*****

Since i was a young adult, i have wanted to meet Mr Lee Kuan Yew in person, shake his hand and have a simple photograph taken with him. That was not to be. In many ways, i am a product and beneficiary of the systems that was created in the formative years of Singapore especially my education which Mr Lee obviously has a part to play in it. I always felt very appreciative that i have a decent command of English because of it.

My mum shared with me when i was younger that a person’s time of passing has some meaning to it. Mr Lee Kuan Yew left peacefully early this morning just past 3am. I found out about it when i woke up at about 5am on Facebook newsfeed and to many Singaporeans too, they probably know about it first thing when they woke up on a brand new week. In my heart, i was thinking our former PM chosed to leave at a most appropriate time, at the quietest of time when most of his Singaporeans are in deep sleep, so as not to arouse or disturb them. In one of his memoirs, Mr Lee mentioned that Singapore is always on his mind. I believe that in his last breath and consciousness, he was still thinking of Singapore, his life work. I think it is like that. It surely is. And this kept me awake till dawn rise. Thank You Mr Lee.

“But Singapore is an ever-growing concern. Singapore is my concern till the end of my life."
– Mr Lee Kuan Yew (taken from the book ‘Hard Truths To Keep Singapore Going’)

Chia Kok Liang

*****

We would not be who we are today, or where we are without Mr Lee Kuan Yew. I see this very starkly when I compare ourselves with others in regional countries and in developed countries. Singapore has given us the unique combination of opportunity (education, training, language proficiency, connectivity) and manageable competition; such that we able to excel and stand out as regional leaders in our fields. Full credit has to be given to Mr Lee for having engineered such a system and environment. His vision, foresight, strategic planning, and governance are unrivalled. His intellect and volubility are formidable. Great leaders do not come by often. Here was such a great leader.

The most poignant moment for me was when I was part of his entourage overseas. Service personnel are often ignored and left in the background. But Mr Lee asked me after his formal dinner on the way back “Have you eaten?”. Upon discovering that dinner had not been provided for his support staff, his minders were swiftly reprimanded for their neglect and this never happened again. It painted a human side to the great man and told me that he cared for his people.

SSC

*****

Dearest Mr Lee,

I can still remember the smiling on your face in end of Year 2013, at SGH. During that time, my mom and i was at the SGH, couldn’t remember which ward of which floor. My father was admitted to SGH, right away arrived at Changi Airport from Tawau, Sabah on the same day.

While we were taking some rest at the area near the lift entrance, we saw 2-3 security officers standing beside a ward not far away and 1 security officer standing beside the lift. Then 1 gentleman came out from the lift alone. Yes! he is Mr Lee!! i’ve never seen him face to face..only on TV. He smiled at my mom and me….so close… so warmth… there were no security officers walking with him… he was just like a friendly gentleman. I should have had to shake hand and take a photo of him…

VIPs are always accompanied by bodyguards, but what i saw that day, Mr Lee was different, the Father of Singapore. You are the Giant! RIP Mr Lee.

Agnes Yap Chiu San

*****

(And the last but most entertaining tribute)

Dear Lao Ah Pek (Elderly Grandpa)

Sir, you may not remembered me but I certainly do. I was born in 1970 and you were doing a school visit when I was in primary school. Not knowing who you were then, i blurted out in Hokkien; ‘Who is that Lao Ah Pek?’ All my teachers face turned pale and one of your followers spoke to me in a harsh voice, “why are you so ill mannered!’

You spoke waving him away,’ no no no! thats who i am and how I would like to be know as when I am with the commoners!’ you said something to me in English and i replied in Hokkien again for I just changed from Chinese stream to English stream. ‘I don’t know what you mean’

You stroked my head and said to me in Chinese, '好好念书', smiled and moved on. That’s how easy going you are! No ‘high and mighty’ status, genuine care and concern is what I remembered.

So, rest well Lao Ah Pek! You will not be forgotten!!!

* I called you Lao Ah Pek for you were around the same age as my grandpa then.

Yours respectively.

Ang Yang

*****

Somehow, when the term "powerful politician" comes up, you'd expect a hard-headed, cold-hearted and ruthless man who steps over everything to get things done. That may have been how the Western media portrayed him to be (of course, he had done certain things which he should not have, but may I dare say it was always in the interest of our country.) 

But somehow, after reading the tributes to him from people in all walks of life (foreign and local politicians, uncles, young ones, friends, family..), I conclude that he was a multi-faceted man - a respectable man on the international arena, an extremely far-sighted leader, a boss who believed in developing his subordinates, a loving and gentle husband, a principled man who kept to his values of trust and honesty, a frugal man despite his status (check out his living room, it is obvious that this man was never taken in by any sort of material riches that accompanied his stature), a man relatable and genuine to the common man (enough for the older generation to know him affectionately as "老李") and most of all, a man who loved his country to put his whole life into building it into where it is today. 

He ruled with an iron fist but a gentle heart, and because of that, look at the transformation in our nation and the lives he has impacted today. No words could describe how I feel now that the world has lost a great man.

Cleaning my box.

Whenever the radar in my head starts beeping at the mess in my room, you can be sure it is a heck of a great big mess. The space has felt tinier for the last year because my sister has officially settled in Singapore, and for the first time in 12 years, I had to share a space with some one. It hasn't been easy! Not going into lifestyle/expectation differences, but even as I felt the mess was piling up and getting out of hand, I couldn't take that few days to declutter the space because I usually take my time and it will be highly inconvenient for her.

She moved out since the beginning of this month into a pretty new(pun intended) space, which I still have yet to visit because of the busyness over the last 2 weeks with Gong gong's hospitalisation and passing. But before I go visit her, I've decided to do what I've longed to do since forever..

ROOM OVERHAUL.

I feel tired and oily, and I've a mess around me which I threw out on the floor and don't know how to get rid off. That is my strategy- chuck everything out of its place onto the floor, and I've no choice but to clean it up. The sheer amount of clothes I have disgusts me- 2 big duffel bags and 2 suitcases. I gotta find a way to mass-carousell it without spending too much time. (And as I speak, I actually have some clothes shipping from taobao, why don't I learn my lesson) I've 3 guitars + 1 ruan + 1 keyboard in my room. How did I amass so many instruments (which I haven't touched in a long time and they are screaming out for me to do so.)

Wish me luck.

Bursting at the seams with happiness

I must confess, I really struggle in knowing how much of myself to bare to the world. I wanna come to a point where I am being completely honest, not putting on a front about who I am or even some kinda perceived spirituality of wholesomeness plagued with perpetual joy or something, which, when you have accepted Christ but not be in Christ, you might be inclined to start kidding yourself by burying issues and deep hurts. I want to be authentic and true in my struggles but yet also acknowledge the fact that in these struggles, that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter whether I believe or not. And also, there are days where I just wanna be a little girl and thank God simply because it was a happy day.

Like how today is one such day, meeting 2 funny girls, Weiwen and Zel for a quick little high tea. We had some crazy banoffee pie, cinnamon kouign amann-like pastry and lemon tart! Quick chat and I enjoyed it so much just because it was a perfect combo and great company and sweets.

And then later, meeting Mr Lau for a walk at the green corridor. Stickiness aside, we revelled in the amazing good weather and I, in pleasant company of him just being beside me, pointing out and talking about everything under the sun.

Joy came in 2 instances- an accidental discovery of how we both experience God deeply through nature. I fail to verbalise this joy in its richness and intensity; all I can say is that it's a thousand fold more awesome than sharing the same love for any kind of music or book. Secondly, he prayed for my upcoming work trip. It made me think back on the times of his selfless support in outreaching and ministry by praying with me, helping me in little ways like talking me through problems and giving me advice, having faith in me and voicing out that support, taking on the load what I could not.

Going back to that prayer instance, it made my heart so full of thanksgiving for God in gifting us with this relationship, and so full of love for him! I love how his giving heart has seen us through so many rough patches, and I love that he is such a man of God (and an incredibly cute one at that).

John 8:7b

When gossip girl first came out I thought it was ridiculous how most of New York was interested in following the lives of silly upper east siders who had too much dough to toss around. No, "interest" wasn't the right word. It's a morbid, obsessive fascination. Mixed in with both envy, cruel judgment and the anticipation of these subjects of envy to fall from grace so one could then relish in the truth that "life is fair".

That was in 2007 before smart phones became the norm.

8 years on, we see Gossip Girl SG edition happening right under our noses every day. Of Anton Caseys and Jover Chews and dirty exposes and exposes of exposes. Call yourself a vigilante, but taking matters into your own hands and doing things like exposing personal pictures and data, sending pizzas to his house, verbal spewing is just as hooligan an act (if not more) than what he did.

Call it "teaching him a lesson" or "we need to take matters into our own hands cos CASE is not doing a good job", i think it's more a personal indulgence, a cheap swipe at entertainment. We indulge in other people's miseries. We want to feel like we're better, more righteous, more perfect than others.

I'm not saying we don't voice out our opinions and disapproval at what he has done, I'm not saying that we just stare from the sidelines and not do a thing about the victims who are implicated. I'm saying that there are better ways to do so. Rational civil engagement- we don't need more mudslinging on social media; we need articles that provide analysis to provoke thought and discussion about how to handle such cases (pun not intended), people who actually read before they write, we need self-starters of social causes in these issues (Gabriel Kang is a fine example).

In light of the paris shooting (reserving my stand in this entry), been reading articles about freedom of speech and how these rights come attached with the responsibility/self-restraint with knowledge of implications of one's speech towards others. With rights to speak up, one cannot expect that his speech will not returned by someone else with an equal right of speech. And verbal spew will likely get verbal spew in return. Such is the same for civil engagement. Not discounting the fact that there will always be detractors, but it is our responsibility to consider a rational case to serve our side of the civil engagement. And in our increasingly democratised society (as catalysed by social media, at least in Singapore), please don't give people a reason to dismiss your stand and prove that we need to be mothered because we are a nation of parochials. We can do so much better.

Her perfect second life

Lately, my strange sister has taken on a liking to some game called STARDOM: HOLLYWOOD. You start off as an E-lister and work your way up to an A-lister. Sounds like the perfect game to get hooked on to, as a 14 year old.

Jie: Look! So this is my room.
HX: Oh, that's alright. Oh wait, it looks kinda messy. (swipes to the right to look at the rest of the room) Ewwk, why is there a rat in there?!
Jie: Oh, it's alright. The rat sometimes gives me money.

And we're talking about people getting hooked onto the false reality of glamour in virtual reality games, here my sis is being contented with having a rat in her room in her second life. Kwa kwa kwa

Just to fill this space

I haven't been a faithful penner of lovely thoughts for the past few weeks since the last update. I need to find time soon to do so; I want to capture what God has done in my heart and share it. All I can say is, He is doing great work in the hearts of my family. But there is one thing I wanna desire more, and it's more of His heart. More of this soon!

My neck keeps creaking. Sure sign of aging!

And, I need a haircut!

Square Post

Ah, such joy to be able to toast in bed till 6.30am, get up with a renewed vigour, go for a morning swim, ask God to hold the rain till after the swim, finish off by 8 and be home for a hot cappuccino, play abit of piano and worship a little, blog. I've lost that momentum to keep track of my life, partly because I used to on my online space, and then somewhere along the way of my arduous journey to find the meaning of my existence, started to question my intentions. 

But lately, I've been thinking about how this reflective space really does me good because I get these thoughts running through my mind the whole day, sometimes they get a little too crammed. Also, that ever since I underwent this huge change in my beliefs about eternity and going about establishing this love relationship with God (and in the process being humbled just about a thousand times), that I somehow felt the wish to be more private about my personal life. 

Take it as a renaissance of some sort, but a few days back, I awoke with that joyfulness in me- that awe I had when I used to turn a blind eye on the realities of the world, and then lost when I decided to pay heed to the human condition. But now, I am grounded with the truths of this world. And with that, I really do think that old, extrovert side of me is starting to come back once more. Oh, happy day!

This meant to be a square picture post, but I realised that square pictures, even though pretty, are not space efficient! So here goes my square and rectangle picture post: a snippet of my life since the year started.

2-month cough: we don't see God in our darkness, but He is still there. 

Tuition With Love: Gabriel being a teacher to Max! I am very proud of him. Love that I've seen him through his shy, fun, annoying, naughty and good times.

A bunch of kids I've grown to love over the past year. Appreciate our church so much to live out our mission of impacting lives through the love of God

First bouquet of flowers from a boy. It is sweet in many ways, but mostly because he finds flowers to be impractical, but yet worth all that impracticality

One of those morning brunches, where the rain is trickling outside and you're still happy even though your plans to take a walk have been thwarted

This was our "break fast" after 3 days of smoothie/juice fasting in the office! I must say, it was a fun time of going crazy and drinking strange smelling spinach drinks. Been great with my funny partners + Jo 

Nutella, you've nailed it with your new marketing ploy.

Though our relationship with each other go high and low sometimes, these are the 2 people I will love dearly in my life. We had peking duck here!!! mmm oishi.

Sorry, but we're just too lame around each other.

Taking a photo with very eligible singles.

Yay, a rekindled friendship from Sec 1! Still the same feisty, something so comforting about a shared memory.

Retard who appeared in my face as a french maiden, almost couldn't recognise her.

Ooo, lookie! A huge brinjal! Stop what you're eating and look at my prized find of the day prease.

This is Bloomsbury Bakers, the brainchild of my best friend, whom I've seen through from 13 till now. And having known her for half my life, It's amazing to see childhood dreams come to fruition.

This was a day that a couple of friends decided to dedicate their lives to the couch. Sleep, Eat, Watch movie, repeat. What a life. Awesome day, but only so in rarity.

Brunch day with fionaaaa pohpoh. :) One happy day with 2 awesome people.

Easter sunday: <3 God loves us all. That is all!

And since yesterday: the best 3 months with you ever!

Time to be out!

What is Love

The depths of the journey is more important than its end. Is especially true in relationships. During service last Sunday, I remember the guest speaker mentioned about how even as there may be external pull factors tempting one into gratifying our physical and emotional desires elsewhere, knowing that you have gone through the best and worst of your life together and supported each other is the foundation of commitment to one another. I thought, what is the end in marriages anyway? Sex? Children? A house? Double portion of assets? Going by how it's actually easier to get these things without going through the emotional investment in a relationship and the legal investment of that piece of paper, they all didn't make sense to me.

In the past year, it's definitely been a whirlwind for Han Yang and I. This sense of guardedness on both sides, second guessing each other, being excessively cordial, seeing the less savoury parts of each other - try as I might, I couldn't imagine God not being in this picture. For every time we talked things through, every time we clarified - humility, openness, honesty and love brought us to a common point where we grew to trust each other because we attested to each other's accountability to God. Only after spiritual intimacy, did emotional intimacy grow. A strange start to a relationship but something that I am thankful to God for. And with this decision to take the next step of commitment towards each other, on top of the excitement in getting to know this strange but funny boy even better, I hope that the kind of love that exists between us will know no boundaries when it comes to loving and serving others.

One of the few photos that we've ever took. We need to keep more memories!

Love is cheesy. And very often, bashful. Hehe.

Nature, Nurture, or Bible?

Watched this a couple of years back, and whether anot it painted the reality of whether this truly epitomises the Chinese society, I thought it a good socio-commentary at least on the relationship between individual, family and society. How each influences the other, and vice versa. At the end of the day, I realise, how much an individual allows different institutions to influence him in (negative) social mores could be due to a number of factors:

1) Not realising that such a relationship exists (Ignorance, lack of education to think critically)

2) Not having a sense of right or wrong (Of which, I'm inclined to question if one possesses full maturity of his mental faculties)

3) The age in which they are socialised (The younger, the more susceptible)

Result of post-Maoism China, I believe, is a generation that believes in clenching onto newly found democracy (and meritocracy, which ever the context applies), yet as a result of the gaping hole of faith in which it had so readily purged back in the 70s, gives rise to it (democracy or meritocracy) in a ruthless form. Communism without faith gave rise to Maoism. Democracy without faith, I feel, might be slightly better given the underlying principles of justice and equality, but is just as dirty and slanderous.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter which political climate we live in, I think the only thing that could save us from (1) Not realising truth, and (2) Not knowing moral truth, is the presence of an anchor of which we derive these truths from. We could always choose to go with the flow and we could always choose to go against the grain. It is the presence of knowing unfailing truth that makes these decisions much simpler.

Perspective in light of reading The Heavenly Man. The kinda book that gives me heart palpitations and cry both tears of sadness and joy as I read Brother Yun's testimonies of witness to Christ. Kudos to the people who stand firm and believe in the miracles of our God Almighty!