this is what church is about:
to love and serve our amazing God.
and this short just makes me realise how much i'm thankful for my church and how loving and serving God together has a profound motivation on my journey in life. yes, knowing God is personal, but i've drawn so much love and strength from my church from being with them. perfect people we are not, but we get past that because we're forgiven by God everyday. broken people we may still be, but we are pursued by His endless, relentless love for us - He makes us whole when we come to Him giving Him our heart.
my life of late has been a renewal of some sorts. physically - that my office has moved to an area that i very much prefer, both inside and out. it's such a quaint and down to earth area with pockets of interesting mom and pop shops here and there. and i like it that it's still central/in town, but still nestled in a neighbourhood. my kinda thing. plus, it has an abundance of good food. after pilates in the office with shirls (my new colleague) yesterday, we literally skipped to swee choon for amazing dimsum.
the conference has had me shift some perspectives in the area of my vocation - the priorities that i place at the workplace and soothing that disconnect about impact. even though yes, workplace is my ministry, i feel this tugging at the back of my mind for people groups that i feel so burdened for. case in point - since the start of this year, i've put tuition on sundays at the KGCC on hold - but i feel something gnawing away at my heart everytime i bump into them around the neighbourhood, or when i talk to gabriel on facebook - there is still that burning desire to be a part of their life, to love them and to guide them. they inspire me so too. i've made the decision to go back soon!
families - i've always known that i would someday serve them. partly because i've been through brokenness, partly because i know loneliness to be life's greatest poverty (and a loving family prevents that), partly because i've seen how my family has been transformed by God since jie and i came to know Him, partly because i strongly believe in strong families for a strong society. for some time when my life was crazy busy in the past year, my heart grew cold towards things/situations that i would observe in public that i would have cared about before. i didn't like that new self. lethargy of work had hardened me to care for my own well-being, and i didn't go to God to renew my heart.
a couple of weeks back, i was walking to get dinner around my estate and i bumped into a middle-aged couple along the way. the man was on the ground clutching at his leg and crying out in pain, and his wife was standing around, with her bags on the floor, waiting for his pain to go away. i gathered that he must experience it quite often, since the wife didn't seem too fazed that he was in extreme agony. i asked them whether they would like me to call a cab. through that communication barrier (they spoke mainly Malay, and little English. thank God Malay lessons have come in a little handy for there were parts that i could mildly decipher. more reason to up my skills), i gathered that
1) they didn't want to seek treatment as they didn't have enough money
2) they were homeless, and temporarily staying in void decks around my estate (they didn't look like they had been staying out for long, so it was probably a recent occurrence)
3) they've tried to get help from the MP, but nothing has been done yet (i couldn't get to the details of the issue, but it's probably a complex case that goes deeper than the surface)
4) that guy was still in extreme pain
i couldn't just leave them there like that and walk away without helping him. and i must admit, prayer being the first line of healing, was my last line in this case. i mustered up my courage and asked him whether it was ok that i prayed for him. he got slightly better after that, and kept thanking my profusely. i later gave them my number, and told them to contact me if they had any problems. tried to buy them dinner, but they were gone by the time i came back.
if ever had i done this before knowing God, the situation would have made me depressed knowing there were souls out there who needed help, but there was this much that i could do in this world. as i left them, even though a part of me still felt that i could have done more to ease their situation, a huge part of me felt comforted that as long as i continue praying for them two, God will intervene to help them as well. that i'm doing this with Him; i am not alone.
this one incident made me realise how families break my heart. even more specifically, vulnerable families.
a few years ago, i was scarred by a particular experience with an old lady. right now, i know that God is moving me past that, to renew my heart for them again.
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