All set

What is it that I want to be moulded in this year? Reminded of God's kindness this weekend. And God's kindness always leads to repentance. My heart was filled with so much gratitude as I stood at the alter, wanting more of the Holy Spirit to be in my life.

I would like Him to transform my habits this year. Simple things like sticking to good habits like waking up early and not needing to have a breathless start to the day, spending some time of the day talking to God, sharpening my mind by being disciplined with what I've set out to learn, making exercise a routine part of my week, being faithful with my relationships at home and with my friends.

It starts this week! 6.30 a.m. days for pilates and praying. And HS, guide me!

Reliving Memes

Question memes used to be super popular. I haven't done them in a while, and I think they have ceased to be memes, because people just don't pass them around anymore. But just because it's a friday night, and I'm at home winding down from my first full week at work, this (un)meme seems to be the most exciting thing I want to do right now:


What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color? 

I haven't gone beyond a lighter shade of brown, which isn't much deviation from my original hair colour (brown). For a period of time I had tried to do jet black (think purple black) hair. But somehow my hair always seemed to fade back to its dark brown. I now think au natural looks the best (and easiest to maintain).

Do you tan easily? 

Unfortunately, yes. Though I am fair by standards.

What is your favorite show to watch? 

Right now, Fresh Off The Boat! But for something more evergreen, it's probably Planet Earth, Brainiac, National Geographic and the different versions of Hana Yori Dango (Taiwanese, Japanese, Korean).

What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance? 

I have a few. Zara's textures, Body Shop's White Musk, Kenzo's Flower.

Do you want to kiss anyone right now? 

I think we are all human.

What was in your last meal? 

I had a McNugget Happy Meal with some salmon avocado sushi from Ichiban. It was a wind down meal, yum.

Do you sing? 

Yes, and I love it!

Do you wear necklaces? 

I used to wear this gold necklace with a key, but the clasp broke and I never got around to bringing it to the jeweller's. Other than that, sometimes I wear if it fits the outfit.

How many piercings do you have (if any)? 

Now, 2 on my ears. In my uni years and eager to try crazy things, I had a nose and a secret tongue piercing for several months (at separate times.)

Do you blush easily? 

Not really, though I am pretty shy.

Have you ever broken a bone? 

Hairline crack on my left arm on my first day at gymnastics class because I went over a gym ball and fell on my left arm.

Are you an artist/writer? 

I guess I could consider myself a leisure artist and writer. It is through doing crafts and writing that I connect well with my thoughts and emotions.

Do you play an instrument? 

Yep, the guitar, piano (floundering though with chord progressions), the 阮 (one of my first loves, but of which I've neglected for some time) and 柳琴 (too tiny and high pitched, it probably sounds the best with the orchestra).

Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? 

Yes, I am, unabashedly! And though it was a long time coming, he knows, every day. And it grows deeper. (If you're reading this Han Yang, I love you!)

Do you smoke cigarettes? 

Nope.

Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? 

It didn't use to be, but I do think age has done something to surface these instincts.

Do you feel confident in your body image? 

Yes, I'm happy with the way I look.

Are you flexible? 

A few have told me that I am, but I just feel creakier with age.

Do you like to dance? 

I think most of my dancing stints have gone wrong because I have very bad motor memory.

Has anyone ever called you ugly? 

Not that I know of.

Have you ever cheated on someone? 

No.

Have you ever been arrested? 

Nope.

Favorite pair of shoes? 

Right now, it's my black Jelly Bunny shoes, which are extremely versatile and still looks pretty formal despite being rubber. I wear them almost everyday. I am also trying to find an occasion to wear my Feiyue sneakers, which arrived in the mail a while back. I adore how they look!

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Okay, I'm having fun, so here's another:

Would You Rather
Pierce your nose or your tongue? 

Have done both. I think I prefer nose. Since I don't have to contend with problems eating cos my tongue hurts. (Though I did contend with other problems like digging my nose, but it wasn't something I had to do frequently.)

Drink whole or skimmed milk? 

Whole milk FTW. Skimmed milk tastes like white water.

Die in a fire or drowning?

Um, can I say none? Both are extremely tragic ways to pass on.

Spend time with your parent(s) or enemies?
Parents of course! This meme might be targeted at angsty teens.

Are You?
Simple or complicated? 

I think quite complicated, though I do attempt to be simple.

Tall or short?

Pretty short. 

Right handed or left handed?
Right

A lover of music or a lover of books?
I am a fervent fan of both, and they each hold so much significance in my life!


Do You Prefer
Flowers or sweets?

Um, is that a question? Give me a bunch of lovely blooms any day.

Grey or black?

Black. It's versatile.

Color photos or black-and-white photos?

I fancy both for different moods. I like coloured photos cross processed, faded, highly contrasted or filtered, and there's some thing romantic about B&W.

Sunrise or sunset?

Sunset, because I am a late riser and will get cranky if I have to wake up just to watch an everyday phenomenon.

M&Ms or Skittles?
M&Ms. Chocolates over candy.

Staying up late or waking up early? 

I tend to stay up late, but I really prefer waking up early. As my dad always said "早睡早起身体好"(One of his pet phrases).

Sun or moon?
Sun, because it serves a practical purpose.

Winter or Autumn?
Autumn over winter please, I don't wanna freeze.

10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?
2 best friends.

Rainy or sunny?
Sunny when out, rainy when in.

Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?
Strawberry?

Vodka or Jack?
Neither. How about some Moscato from Brown Brothers! Or some whiskey, HY's pick.


About You
Name?

I'd rather my blog not appear on Google search engines.

Nicknames?

Sins, Huisin, Safety Pin, Halibut, Cherry Blossom, 开心果

When is your birthday?
A sad day for Americans.

What do you want?

A life surrounded by people I love, doing things that challenge and fulfil me and helping people know true Love.

How many kids do you want?

Min. 2, Max 3

What would you name a girl? What would you name a boy?

Haven't thought of it, but I would like them to be meaningful chinese names.

You want to get married?
Yes of course :)

What kind of music do you like?
I don't listen to a particular genre, but I love acoustic covers.

Unique
Nervous habits?

I don't look the person in the eye, or be quieter than my usual self.

Are you double-jointed?
What's that?! 

Can you roll your tongue?

Yes, I can roll my tongue into a flower too.

Can you raise one eyebrow?
I think so. (I just tried it in front of the mirror.)

Can you cross your eyes?

Yes


Random
Which shoe goes on first? 

The left. I also always put the left side of my contacts on, and draw the left side of my eyebrow and eyelid first when doing makeup.

Ever thrown something at someone?

Yes, many times. Especially back in school.

On average, how much money do you carry with you?
Always $40, cos I don't like drawing $50 and having to break the note.

What jewelry do you wear?
I used to wear tons of costume jewelry in younger days, especially during my indian/hippie fashion phase (bangles and toe rings!). Upon aging, I've mellowed down and now prefer classic looks. It's almost always just a pair of earrings, unless I find occasion for a necklace or a jade bangle. And I really like pearls!

Do you twirl or cut spaghetti?
Twirl! I'm aghast. Who wastes time cutting spaghetti?!?!?!

Have you ever eaten Spam?

Yes, and I like it!

Favorite ice cream?
I used to really like ice cream. To the point where I made ice cream and wanted to set up an ice cream cafe. But my sweet tooth seems to have weaned. 

How many kinds of cereal are in your cupboard?
None! I used to love Post's and Marks & Spencer ones. See, no sweet tooth anymore.

Last
Car ride?

Huiyi's when she gave me a lift home.

Song played?

No idea! My ipod's been playing lotsa podcasts of late.

Person you saw?

Papa

Time you cried?

Um, yesterday when I read an article and cried on the MRT on the way to work. Don't ask me how and why. I can't control my tear ducts and it's embarrassing sometimes.

In fact, today I saw an old man who reminded me of Gong gong and the next moment, it felt like something bored a hole in my heart and I really really wanted to have him next to me. I guess it is in these moments that I'm comforted knowing that he is in heaven with Jesus, so this emptiness I feel is rather transient.

Shall end off on a happier note with a random picture that I found today:

This was what, 9 years ago?!?!?! These boys are now mature young men, towering wayyyy above me. I must say, those were happy times!

Just a little frivolous moment.

Follow Hui Xin's board white/lace on Pinterest.

There is something about white that intrigues me. Clean, pure, canvas-like, perhaps. But a good ol' white outfit always streamlines a look, and lace adds a subtle complicated touch. I love it so much! It has gotten to the point where my wardrobe has every form of article in white, and whenever I'm out I look to expand it further.

I love white, and more so white lace! And as though my predominantly white room is not enough, I'm going to line the glass of my book cabinets with lace. Hooray!

My life in the past 8

So the next phase of my life officially begins tomorrow after 8 months. I know, an 8-month break seems like a long spell by any standards, and especially so for someone like me who could never have passed a summer break without looking for a part time job or internship. But I'm extremely thankful for such a spell that allowed me to rest, spend time with the family and Han Yang, be a part of serving the church in singing and acting (that led to many breakthroughs), a brief stint with CNA doing historical research which rekindled my love for research and led me to apply for the job I'm about to start.

It has been amazing how things fell together and how God has blessed me with these opportunities that allowed me to reconnect to the things I love, especially after 2.5 years of working. I had almost forgotten how it felt like to spend hours poring over a good book or on a hobby. It feels good to be steeped in something to the point of forgetting everything else in that time. Reading, singing, sewing (I tried mending my broken sewing machine, hello to a new sewing machine soon!), drawing/designing with illustrator, wrapping flowers and videography (gonna be helping Serene with video for her wedding).

On top of that, I know that God had intended for me to be free so that I got the chance to be with Gong gong in his final months. The time spent taking care of him, praying, talking to him were tender moments shared between us that I will always keep close to my heart. He had contracted pneumonia over Chinese New Year, and I had really wanted him to get better. When I was back to visit, I saw how he was suffering from extended coughing episodes and it broke my heart so.

Hopeless and in despair, I pleaded with God for him to be well. In one of my prayers to him, a still small voice told me "Hui Xin, share with him about my Love and ask him to accept me first." I didn't want to believe that was true, but I knew Gong gong wasn't going to get any better. I have always wanted to ask him whether he wanted to accept Jesus, but I didn't know how, and I was so scared! In these few years, Gong gong and I had gotten closer. He knew I was a Christian and he was always open to sharing and prayer. But I never took the next step to ask him whether he believed in Jesus.

And right now, there was no way I would have the guts to share if God didn't prompt me to. I wrestled. I told God "Please give me a confirmation, and I will share." 5 minutes later, my phone beeped. It was from a friend whom I had just got to know the previous week, and she asked me about Gong gong. I said he wasn't doing well and was in the hospital. She said "I just thought I should ask you about grandpa and ask you to share about Christ with him." Ah, God speaks in so many ways. I was extremely comforted to know that God was with me.

It was the afternoon I was all alone in the ward with him. I shared, albeit rather incoherently. Gong gong shook his head rather vehemently when I asked him whether he wanted to accept Christ. Oh. But I knew God had told me to! I wasn't about to give up. The next day, he had gotten worse. I was with mama and jie, and I decided to pray for his coughing and wheezing to stop. I decided then, to share again. After that, I looked him in his eyes and asked "公公，您要不要接受神?" Gong gong looked at me, and NODDED HIS HEAD. I was shocked with joy. I couldn't believe it! I was so happy I shed tears. Gong gong was going to heaven, he was going to meet Jesus! We said a prayer for him. I was comforted that God was looking after him, because the night before I went to Malacca, I had dreamt that there were angels surrounding his bed.

The next day, Gong gong passed away peacefully. I cried because I was going to miss my cute Gong gong, but there was a deep joy in knowing that I would see him again soon.

I took a brief break during the 7 day wake to settle things back in Singapore, and received a call for an interview. A day after the wake, I went for the interview. In 3 days, they got back and offered me a job.

It took me a while to accept the offer as I had really wanted to work on policy/research/VWO development in the governmental social sector (they hadn't got back to me at all). But after much seeking God and talking to people, I realised that this job did fit a lot of my job expectations, and it would build up skill sets that I'm interested in developing. So, I accepted it.

I would still like to work in the social sector one day, but till then, it's up to me to stay well-read in this area, possibly take a look at social work course syllabus and do some self-learning. For now, I'm pretty sure I will be as pumped up doing market research.

*******

Other than personal things in my life, in the past week I was deeply grieved at the passing of Mr Lee to the extent that I never thought possible. I read many articles from various sources about this extremely intelligent man, his ideas and who he was as a person. I cried buckets at the realisation of the world's loss of a great man, but also felt immense honour to be a part of this era and country where he governed and loved. How much of his legacy will live on in generations to come? In the midst of concretising some thoughts and reading his memoirs.

Till then.

Fraction of my hobbies.