even after knowing the Lord, i think there was still a part of me that was secretly happy that i lived that aimless past because i got to experience alot of random things that i might not have experienced had i known Him earlier. thinking back, they really werent that special, but things i wouldn't have done had i chose to follow Him. i think there was a part of me that was secretly glad i did all that before giving my life up to God.
the past i was glad of.
really?
lately, i've realised that if there was one thing i wish to rewind the clock back on, it would have been an earlier salvation. the past that i've chanced upon brought back not the exhilaration of those experiences, but the bitterness of aimlessness and believing in the lie that human strength and love could sustain life. those years of my life that i spent in vacillation of beliefs and interests and emotions, pretending that everything was okay when it was not. i know, that had i known Christ earlier, that i could have spent my school years doing things that had eternal value rather than just getting lost in my own world.
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
Matthew 16:25i think God is bringing through a period in my life where i'm forced to remember my past, so that i can come to a realisation that life without Him is really nothing. and i'll never let regret seep into this revelation, because that is just a silly ploy by the enemy to draw me away from Him.
this is when i know that i've hit a new level of dependence on Him. trusting in His leading so i can lead more souls to Christ!
‘Cause it’s all for You
Yeah it’s all for You
God
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