You have me

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely

how could i forget how You've brought me through the darkest days of life?

thoughts of late:

i know we've all been called to a specific purpose.

how much of my life am i willing to give up to serve His purposes?
can i put my hand on my heart to say
that where ever He calls me to, i will follow?
or am i just willing to give to the point where it ceases to be comfortable?

the more i question, the more i'm afraid,
that as i dig deep, i could only find selfish desires
a life of comfort in the pursuit of self-happiness
living for the applause of others

busking in His blessings
choosing the better and comfortable
over the best but rough and less-trodden route

i'm sorry if i ever entertained that kind of life
change my heart and make me love You more and more
make me love people more and more

You Deserve.

even after knowing the Lord, i think there was still a part of me that was secretly happy that i lived that aimless past because i got to experience alot of random things that i might not have experienced had i known Him earlier. thinking back, they really werent that special, but things i wouldn't have done had i chose to follow Him. i think there was a part of me that was secretly glad i did all that before giving my life up to God.

the past i was glad of.

really?

lately, i've realised that if there was one thing i wish to rewind the clock back on, it would have been an earlier salvation. the past that i've chanced upon brought back not the exhilaration of those experiences, but the bitterness of aimlessness and believing in the lie that human strength and love could sustain life. those years of my life that i spent in vacillation of beliefs and interests and emotions, pretending that everything was okay when it was not. i know, that had i known Christ earlier, that i could have spent my school years doing things that had eternal value rather than just getting lost in my own world.

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 

Matthew 16:25

i think God is bringing through a period in my life where i'm forced to remember my past, so that i can come to a realisation that life without Him is really nothing. and i'll never let regret seep into this revelation, because that is just a silly ploy by the enemy to draw me away from Him.

this is when i know that i've hit a new level of dependence on Him. trusting in His leading so i can lead more souls to Christ!

I can’t imagine a life without You, without You
‘Cause it’s all for You
Yeah it’s all for You
God

Never going back

curb nights are an institution. i used to be a part of it; late conversations- desperately scouring for convictions within the honesty of the night, sometimes thinking we had the world under our control, a lie fueled by alcohol pulsating through veins. 

the sobriety of the next morning revealed the truth that nothing much had changed from the aimlessness and pretense of civil life.

2 days ago was marked by a strong reminder from God about how much He has saved me from the depths of nebula. sharing of a bucket list, made me realise that i do not have one because i know i'm looking forward to eternity, and from now till then, there are definitely things i'd like to do or fulfill. but no "die must do" things, because everything i have or ever desire lies at the cross.

i know that as i continue to trust in His perfect plan, the "die must do" things will be what is done through the souls of strangers and friends that i will lead to the cross and the family that i will raise up to be warriors of Christ. and the joy derived from aforementioned, together with the love of God, is enough to satisfy my desires of the world.

just gotta keep praying for lost souls!