windows of the soul

was away in some part of my parents' hometown for the past 4 days. it's times like these that make me remember the different people out there who lead different lives. well, we could lament about how much of a wanderer i am, never settled with life back in the comfort of my home, always yearning for adventures out of this world, something out there more than city life. yup i guess i'm just someone who needs that occasional travel to awaken that spirit in me. but i think i've established that i'm definitely not a long term traveller for love of all things comfortable.

2 nights ago, we were in KL at our maternal uncle's place, and somehow ended up talking about christians and God. what is it that draws people away from knowing Christ but the sins that they see Christ-followers indulge in, and in conclusion what is it that we as christ followers need to do but look within ourselves because we are the church and are looked upon as testimonies and examples of leading a Christ-like life.

with that, there is so much i need to be convicted about and act upon in this fallen world. there are many times i find myself falling short, so many times i realise that my actions are not exemplary of what it means to have God's love within me, so many times i see a non-Christ follower knowing more about Love, that it makes me ashamed really. so, like how we should never bemoan that speck of sawdust in another's eye and ignore the plank in our own eye (Matthew 7:3), we should never be self-righteous and think less of any one who disagrees (Moxy Früvous!), because that's where striving to love comes to a halt. when we think we have reached that perfection.

last night was the 7th day of chinese new year, and the front yard of po po and gong gong's house in malacca was where a grand feast was set up on makeshift tables to pray to the skies for a good year ahead. jie and i sat around keeping po po and gong gong company while they folded gold paper to be burnt. piles and piles of them while we watched po po, already weak from recent months of ill health (while my sister entertained us by being her usual ridiculous funny self and making all of us laugh). gong gong asked whether we could help, and we told them we couldn't. he asked, "religion?" as his fingers made a symbol of the cross. we looked at each other, then him, and asked in bewilderment

"公公，为设么你知道?"

"哈哈，看你的脸就知道！" he chuckled and we went on to talk about how he used to have sweaty palms.

po po told us "拜什么神都好，做好人是最重要。" of course, that's something that i beg to differ, but it suddenly made me think about how as it is, why is it that many good people die not knowing Christ?

urm, so many questions, no answers yet. well with everything, prayer does. and, new things to pray about for the family. as 3 Feb draws to a close and jie's departure beckons, i know that i need to continue being prayerful. we may span 8447 miles apart but no distance is ever too far with His love. and skype of course. hur.

what drives that passion in a status update?

have you ever been so hyped up about something that you just wanted to shout to the world with all your heart? superb GPA, a great job offer, graduation, getting attached to love of your life, even being damn sad, or damn frustrated, or angry about something. ok nowadays people don't take that literally due to the many platforms that we have that enable us to bring our joys and sadness to virtual platforms that far outstrip the effectiveness of any literal forms of noise. twitter, facebook, STOMP, you name it.

as someone who has just recently started walking with God again (a little over 1 year), i remember ever so clearly how i would find no sense in facebook updates, tweets, blog entries to do with praising the Lord/bible verses/anything to do with God. in my mind there would be a filtering mechanism that sieves them out, something that goes "errr lameness", "not again", "er, and your point is?", "aye, these Christ fanatics" (no offense ever intended).. you get the gist.

well, that's me now. yup. proclaiming the goodness of God for all to hear. so what has changed within me? obviously not brainwashed or what, that's kinda ridiculous, considering i'm still the same me who still loves ice cream, music, and chicken paos. and i think i'm someone who is discerning and weary of what i post on social media (or even what i say in person la), but you know why? it is because i've experienced the joy of the Lord which outstrips even the image that i wanna maintain. what is it so compelling that leads me to want to proclaim out loud for all to hear?

it can only be something that i feel so passionately for, of course. and for someone who's been on both sides of the pasture, i can safely stake my life on the conviction that the grass is really greener, where i am right now. because for every posting i've made since knowing God, in sadness or in happiness, i've never felt more peace and security than the posting of random screamy happy/angry/sad updates of which my state depended purely upon the emotion that i felt at the time of posting.

perhaps, it's not something that i can explain, or something that i can enforce upon anyone. but i'll tell you here and now - that there is unexplainable joy in knowing God, the kind that leads you to wanna post facebook and twitter status updates all day about. herein i share with you

Taste and see the the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Psalm 34:8

and so you might be asking "huh?", "er.. so how to experience this joy you so described?", "so what now, how to taste God?"

well, i encourage you to take out that pen, or that iphone, and draw up a list of the things you want to give thanks for in life. hm, so maybe all along you always thought it was luck you had. well, but let me tell you- these are blessings, and you've just given thanks for having tasted His goodness.

january to-do list

over the years, it has always been a tradition for me to do a blog post reflecting back on the year, and a list of new year resolutions. right now i feel like my year hasn't officially started, because i've been sitting on them (an idea of what i need to counter in the coming year. PROCRASTINATION!)

these are the things i've been sitting on:

1) a personal project that i've been wanting to start on since the beginning of december

2) yearly reflection post

3) uni reflection post

4) collecting my busker's license, and er, busking

hope to be able to do all these within the month, because it is kinda my ultimatum for being jobless. i need the time to buffer myself into work mode (which i'm pretty excited about, but ironic how i haven't even applied for any yet, but all's cool!), do the things i've always wanted to do. just feel a little bad that i'm feeding off my parents for allowance right now. so i need to hold myself accountable to these things but at the same time, somehow there's always something else that ends up occupying my day. co camp till tomorrow!