conversations with myself

at the beginning of the year, i told myself that i would create opportunities for more me time.

seems like what i have been neglecting isn't really more me time, but more conversations with myself.

i once read somewhere that one can never be a balanced person without a balance of the public and private self. the private self is where you examine your whole being; these are the moments where you reflect upon your public self, and be brutally honest about the usually spontaneous and unconscious thoughts that have guided your actions in the day. it is not even time inbetween appointments or during travel where you think about the things to settle and what you want to acheive in the day, but a time of asking yourself the questions you don't want to be addressing only 30 years down the road when you are done with your career, or when you meet God.

nihon you are beautiful

oh the land of clean air, toilets bowls with butt warmers, umami, good-lookers, simple designs and the birth place of hiyao miyazaki, joe hisaishi, hana yori dango.

somehow, our paths refused to cross.

you flirted fleetly with me in 2008, twice. i was all ready to meet you in 2011, but alas, 11 march happened and you were devastated. i endured that 2 hr transit with you flirting again and it left me with the same fate.

on my 9th year dreaming of you, we met. but as quickly as the JR rail took us from tokyo to kyoto, those 6 days in december came and went. i left with thoughts of how even the smallest things like shredded cabbage tasted good in your company.

--

i know it's only been 2 months since we last met, but i've got my bags packed for this march. this time around, i'm bringing my parents to meet you!

go watch black panther!

lousy trailer showing all the action bits and didn't do justice to the storyline.

lhy got me hooked onto DC/Marvel films and we've been catching all of 'em but unlike the cliche wrecking up NYC/ some other city in the world the setting was unique and the themes covered were actually thought-provoking, somewhat social/political commentary and um, feel good. 

of course they had to cover themes like the almost overdone women empowerment (though the lead was male, the females seemed to be the wiser ones in the show, with men getting themselves into situations, only to be saved by women), black empowerment, prejudice, and shaking up of comparative politics/world dynamics a little.

plus point is a super good looking cast (mad love with Shuri's character).

everyone wants a piece of vibranium.

matthew 13

i will tell, a story of Your love.

 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

Mark 8:36

relooking

oh wait, working consistently overtime is not normal?

i guess it is the new normal in a household where we sit opposite each other at the study desk (which double-functions as our dining table, bad choice) and get to hang out and settle work at the same time.

this is an extremely comfortable configuration for working late nights, and into the weekend.

it's time to change this in 2018.

there's more to life?

mangled hair, takeouts at my table, focus groups and weekends at 1 king george ave, camping out at the computer, tired rounded shoulders and achy backs, reports..

😭😭😭
😪😪😪  
😴😴😴

repeat..

!!!

just reminding me of how much i've lost touch with my passion - music.

Out of office with limited access to emails.

Wish I could say

"Away indefinitely."

But nope, just another day at work!

i would pick you, all over again.

i'm 1 day late, but happy 10th month anniversary, husband.

i really miss my long hair!

han yang is seriously a man of few frills when it comes to loving me.

the last major surprise that i recalled him giving me was during our proposal, where i totally wasn't expecting him to pull together a stunt of such magnitude, given his preference for privacy and simple things.

subsequently, i was a little sad that he never really took much effort to plan any really memorable kinda surprises on special dates anymore.

but somehow after we got married and started staying together, i realised i didn't need these kinda surprises-on-special-dates for me to feel loved by this man.

these few months i've just been off form cos of my crazy work schedule, crawling into his arms at 2am, 5am, 6am, and just not being able to upkeep the house and the rest of my life.

he has been an amazing support, despite running a busy schedule himself.


just a fraction of sweet things he has done:

- he knows i usually end up skipping breakfast, and took it upon himself to get the spinach/kale and fruits to blend me green smoothies in the morning so i can keep healthy

- he ended up doing all the ironing for me, and upkeep of the house in this period. actually he just believes that household chores should be shared by both parties and we take turns to share the load, which is just insanely sweet.

- i havent been able to organise clothes that ive worn but want to rewear and always leave them on the ironing board. he dropped by IKEA to buy a clothes rack for me.

- on a week that we hadn't been visiting my parents for some time, he offered to drop by my parents' place to give my mum some supplements cos she fell down and fractured her rib

- on a friday after i ended work and couldnt function any more, i texted him this:

normally we dont usually buy flowers on a normal day cos it's just an unnecessary expense and han yang is really quite prudent with his money, but he was so sweet and understanding about it!

- another fine day, he texted me this:

i contemplated, and said no.

then i flipped and changed my mind, and decided to be thick skinned.

his reply shocked me! he was already out of the house but already pre-empted and took photos of my toiletries?!?!? who does that?!

apparently my husband. 

---

one of the lame things i like to do is to crawl into his embrace after a long day at work, and exclaim "i'm home!" he does the same thing sometimes just to troll me.

and in that position, we talk about our day, or just do things like discuss news or listen to the human radio give his side of the story on foreign affairs. or watch jordan videos, and laugh ourselves to sleep.

thank you, love, for the joy you have brought into my life.