matthew 13

i will tell, a story of Your love.

 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

Mark 8:36

relooking

oh wait, working consistently overtime is not normal?

i guess it is the new normal in a household where we sit opposite each other at the study desk (which double-functions as our dining table, bad choice) and get to hang out and settle work at the same time.

this is an extremely comfortable configuration for working late nights, and into the weekend.

it's time to change this in 2018.

there's more to life?

mangled hair, takeouts at my table, focus groups and weekends at 1 king george ave, camping out at the computer, tired rounded shoulders and achy backs, reports..

😭😭😭
😪😪😪  
😴😴😴

repeat..

!!!

just reminding me of how much i've lost touch with my passion - music.

Out of office with limited access to emails.

Wish I could say

"Away indefinitely."

But nope, just another day at work!

i would pick you, all over again.

i'm 1 day late, but happy 10th month anniversary, husband.

i really miss my long hair!

han yang is seriously a man of few frills when it comes to loving me.

the last major surprise that i recalled him giving me was during our proposal, where i totally wasn't expecting him to pull together a stunt of such magnitude, given his preference for privacy and simple things.

subsequently, i was a little sad that he never really took much effort to plan any really memorable kinda surprises on special dates anymore.

but somehow after we got married and started staying together, i realised i didn't need these kinda surprises-on-special-dates for me to feel loved by this man.

these few months i've just been off form cos of my crazy work schedule, crawling into his arms at 2am, 5am, 6am, and just not being able to upkeep the house and the rest of my life.

he has been an amazing support, despite running a busy schedule himself.


just a fraction of sweet things he has done:

- he knows i usually end up skipping breakfast, and took it upon himself to get the spinach/kale and fruits to blend me green smoothies in the morning so i can keep healthy

- he ended up doing all the ironing for me, and upkeep of the house in this period. actually he just believes that household chores should be shared by both parties and we take turns to share the load, which is just insanely sweet.

- i havent been able to organise clothes that ive worn but want to rewear and always leave them on the ironing board. he dropped by IKEA to buy a clothes rack for me.

- on a week that we hadn't been visiting my parents for some time, he offered to drop by my parents' place to give my mum some supplements cos she fell down and fractured her rib

- on a friday after i ended work and couldnt function any more, i texted him this:

normally we dont usually buy flowers on a normal day cos it's just an unnecessary expense and han yang is really quite prudent with his money, but he was so sweet and understanding about it!

- another fine day, he texted me this:

i contemplated, and said no.

then i flipped and changed my mind, and decided to be thick skinned.

his reply shocked me! he was already out of the house but already pre-empted and took photos of my toiletries?!?!? who does that?!

apparently my husband. 

---

one of the lame things i like to do is to crawl into his embrace after a long day at work, and exclaim "i'm home!" he does the same thing sometimes just to troll me.

and in that position, we talk about our day, or just do things like discuss news or listen to the human radio give his side of the story on foreign affairs. or watch jordan videos, and laugh ourselves to sleep.

thank you, love, for the joy you have brought into my life.

heh

home is where i get to crawl into the security of your embrace at the end of a long tiring day.

fixing that hole in my heart

weeks ago, i 'chanced' upon this sermon titled 'reigniting your passion for Christ'.

i put 'chanced' between parenthesis because God has this incredible knack of planting bits and pieces of information in my mind when i pray hard enough, or when He just chooses to.

this time round, visit "sermoncentral.com" was kept on loop in my mind, and this was the sermon that shouted out at me when i ended up doing so.

the sermon had a list of passion killers and the top on the list was:

"an unbalanced schedule"

ok thank you God for confirming to me that 2 am alarms to finish off my report, knocking off work at 6am, weekend and public holiday work fests are not normal.

on one hand i don't wanna be that stereotype of a millennial who quits at every road block.

but on the other hand, i question how this lifestyle is turning me into some one i no longer recognise.

the truth of the matter is, work has sucked my life dry of passion and love. my patience gets short, i am grumpy most of the time, i have no energy to spend time on my hobbies, i am too tired to read, i lose empathy for people.


this has got to stop, something's got to give.


--


i've got a million ideas running through my head now, that wanderlust, creative head of mine can't keep still with a list of boundless to dos and ideas to grow.

:'(

breathe

there were times these 2 weeks that i worked till i felt so repulsed, till i felt giddy with disgust, and so sick of settling things that had tumbled out of our control.

but reminded so much of God's love and sovereignty in these people:

seriously didn't feel like burning a weekday night and the whole of saturday serving for service, but i'm glad i hung on - it was where God refreshed me, where i found solace in His presence, and where the energy of the team so passionate in pleasing him made me remember things that were greater than myself.