Bursting at the seams with happiness

I must confess, I really struggle in knowing how much of myself to bare to the world. I wanna come to a point where I am being completely honest, not putting on a front about who I am or even some kinda perceived spirituality of wholesomeness plagued with perpetual joy or something, which, when you have accepted Christ but not be in Christ, you might be inclined to start kidding yourself by burying issues and deep hurts. I want to be authentic and true in my struggles but yet also acknowledge the fact that in these struggles, that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter whether I believe or not. And also, there are days where I just wanna be a little girl and thank God simply because it was a happy day.

Like how today is one such day, meeting 2 funny girls, Weiwen and Zel for a quick little high tea. We had some crazy banoffee pie, cinnamon kouign amann-like pastry and lemon tart! Quick chat and I enjoyed it so much just because it was a perfect combo and great company and sweets.

And then later, meeting Mr Lau for a walk at the green corridor. Stickiness aside, we revelled in the amazing good weather and I, in pleasant company of him just being beside me, pointing out and talking about everything under the sun.

Joy came in 2 instances- an accidental discovery of how we both experience God deeply through nature. I fail to verbalise this joy in its richness and intensity; all I can say is that it's a thousand fold more awesome than sharing the same love for any kind of music or book. Secondly, he prayed for my upcoming work trip. It made me think back on the times of his selfless support in outreaching and ministry by praying with me, helping me in little ways like talking me through problems and giving me advice, having faith in me and voicing out that support, taking on the load what I could not.

Going back to that prayer instance, it made my heart so full of thanksgiving for God in gifting us with this relationship, and so full of love for him! I love how his giving heart has seen us through so many rough patches, and I love that he is such a man of God (and an incredibly cute one at that).

John 8:7b

When gossip girl first came out I thought it was ridiculous how most of New York was interested in following the lives of silly upper east siders who had too much dough to toss around. No, "interest" wasn't the right word. It's a morbid, obsessive fascination. Mixed in with both envy, cruel judgment and the anticipation of these subjects of envy to fall from grace so one could then relish in the truth that "life is fair".

That was in 2007 before smart phones became the norm.

8 years on, we see Gossip Girl SG edition happening right under our noses every day. Of Anton Caseys and Jover Chews and dirty exposes and exposes of exposes. Call yourself a vigilante, but taking matters into your own hands and doing things like exposing personal pictures and data, sending pizzas to his house, verbal spewing is just as hooligan an act (if not more) than what he did.

Call it "teaching him a lesson" or "we need to take matters into our own hands cos CASE is not doing a good job", i think it's more a personal indulgence, a cheap swipe at entertainment. We indulge in other people's miseries. We want to feel like we're better, more righteous, more perfect than others.

I'm not saying we don't voice out our opinions and disapproval at what he has done, I'm not saying that we just stare from the sidelines and not do a thing about the victims who are implicated. I'm saying that there are better ways to do so. Rational civil engagement- we don't need more mudslinging on social media; we need articles that provide analysis to provoke thought and discussion about how to handle such cases (pun not intended), people who actually read before they write, we need self-starters of social causes in these issues (Gabriel Kang is a fine example).

In light of the paris shooting (reserving my stand in this entry), been reading articles about freedom of speech and how these rights come attached with the responsibility/self-restraint with knowledge of implications of one's speech towards others. With rights to speak up, one cannot expect that his speech will not returned by someone else with an equal right of speech. And verbal spew will likely get verbal spew in return. Such is the same for civil engagement. Not discounting the fact that there will always be detractors, but it is our responsibility to consider a rational case to serve our side of the civil engagement. And in our increasingly democratised society (as catalysed by social media, at least in Singapore), please don't give people a reason to dismiss your stand and prove that we need to be mothered because we are a nation of parochials. We can do so much better.