the upside down kingdom.

"the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."  

Proverbs 9:10

why fear, why must fear rule us when we see the Lord? why not love? isn't love a better word to describe how a relationship motivated by love is the kind of love that grows you? so i've realised the hebrew word for fear, yirah (יִראָה) has 2 meanings. one of which- fear, dread as it is. and the other- reverence, awe, respect.

why then, is it important to not just love the Lord, but also fear Him? because love alone does not imply respect. love alone could move the mountains, but it may not cause one to procure wisdom. just like how God could love us but not need to obey us, one could love another but choose not to obey. 

in this proverb, i assume that love for the Lord is already a given. then this addition of fear- a deep reverential fear for Him, will cause one to obey, to bow down before the heavens in humility for the Holy Spirit to take over. all of him.

i want to fear the Lord.

the winged ox

just finished the book of luke. jesus is a lot more controversial in the bigger scheme of things than i've imagined (all along, i've only been ploughing through specific chapters/verses during sermons and quiet time, never a book through a span of 4 days). i mean, i've read the book of luke, but not in this way, ever.

consistency. that was what struck me the most of jesus' actions. how much it would have taken someone, as He went about teaching, healing the sick, casting out demons and taking on the teachers of the law and the pharisees. he wasn't mollycuddled and affirmed like how we are today with 32% of the rest of the population of the world backing us up. he was plotted against, accused, betrayed time and again. at the end of the day, the son of God, our almighty, could be tempted to waver. but he chose not to, despite most of his life being defined by rejection.

yes, so faith is a choice. it is a choice to die to myself daily, to take up the cross. i know at the heart of it all, why i make this choice. but yesterday's sermon had me wondering about how much i'm willing to die to myself to fulfill His cause.

(call me lazy, but i'm jumping right into the book of Acts! hehe)

a hole in the heart, made whole.

a gnawing hunger. one that rises up from my left chest, residing just beneath my skin. i want to know you, God. verbatim. i've never experienced something like that. the yearning of daily conversation with You. the heart beats, faster and faster when i find out another facet of Your goodness and mercy. remember that struggle months back, where i couldn't for the life of me find a heart conviction for that mind conviction? when i found the key to that heart conviction and unlocked it with prayer, little did i know what God would bring me through on this journey. of greater self knowledge, of breaking lies, of seeing light.

somewhere along the way, i've found that blueprint of God's design for me. of self acceptance instead of self condemnation. so it's been done, Hui Xin.

it is the start of feeding on manna, it is the start of doing and being. i was dead but now i live.

Psalm 95:1

14 years ago i had a love affair with a particular music instrument while peering over its huge black body. i was so in love that i got my mom to sign me up for classes. it was rather short lived (all of 4 months), because i got tired of playing scales and doing theory. i didn't care for playing silent nights and silly Grade 1 score sheets; i wanted to break out of that beginner's lameness. fast forward 4 years later, i got a good friend of mine to teach me chords during recess and after school. we only managed in C major, and from there, i started playing everything in C major. anything and every song that could fit into C major i did. emo i was, playing songs from uh F4, uh westlife, uh S Club 7, etc.

then the inability to play in other majors or do any form of chord progression hit me and made me really bored. so mom sold the white elephant away. i mourned over its departure for abit, and decided to go back to good ol' trusty guitar.

a few months back, i got pretty excited after fooling around with the keyboard on garageband, and figured out how to do chords in different majors. and to add on i think i was rather inspired by a particular mr lau's playing. so, thus began my search for the perfect piano to rekindle my love affair. to cut the grandmother story short,

this sexy P70 baby now sits next to me.

actually he's been sitting around for quite a few months now. i finally got around to recording something. surprisingly on the 3rd take! the slightly banshee-sounding harmonies are blessings from God after a quarter of serving in the worship team. so cool how they come pretty naturally. i love you God! :)