knowing your stuff, then what?

came across this quote while reading a friend's blog and thought it made a whole lot of sense.

As Christians, we of course want our worldview to be fundamentally derived from God's Word, not the climate of opinion that happens to prevail in the world in which we live. Still, since "all truth is God's truth," as Augustine taught us, we should assume that whatever is true about the views of our culture, including the views of science, will be consistent with God's Word (assuming we are interpreting it correctly).

Locating this element of truth in the culture and aligning it with our theology based on the Word can be advantageous to communicating credibly the truth of the Word to our culture. It can also help us more effectively think through and apply our theology for our culture and for ourselves. This is why our theology should be developed in dialogue with every other branch of learning. Whatever truth is to be found in physics, biology, anthropology, and so on is God's truth and can only help us credibly proclaim the truth of God's Word to the world.

Greg Boyd, God of the Possible (2008)

very often, i find that there is this divide between believers and pre-believers, because believers read the word, pray, and see it in light. nice. pre-believers cannot believe how we are looking to a 2000 year old book, unverified to be the truth by the way, to let it guide our lives. as if the Word is not already hard enough to decipher given it is the Word of God and us humans, in our humanly knowledge need to depend on the spirit to guide us in our understanding, what more the perspective of some one peering in from the outside. i think what we're essentially called out to do is an entire spectrum of Kingdom-edifiers. one of them being using the wisdom of the spirit that God has placed within us to dissect the word into bite-size, understandable pieces, and put it into the new world context, for the world. and as with all Kingdom-edifiers it must be prayerful and spirit-led. knowing who and not what's at the center.

Whole City, Whole World.

Meeting people from different walks of life and getting to know them have always been a powerful channel that God uses to speak to me about His love, because when i volunteer i'm constantly reminded about how He loves. that he loves not just us typical singaporean uni kids and loves us through ways in which we would typically feel His love (like a good job, perfect GPA..etc), but He too loves the little children and the elderly and the physically and mentally disabled and the down trodden and the ones who've turned away from Him and He loves them in their own ways as well.

through these gathered experiences and more, it has really contributed to a powerful conviction that i hold of a powerful and amazing God out there who knows every single one of His little children SO SO well enough that when He pours in blessings into their lives He does so with their character and being in mind. every experience of volunteering has always been very different for me as i meet these amazing children of God and i experience their faith, their humbleness, their simple happiness and their tenacity to break out of their limitations.

in our new year goals, a couple of us in the LG expressed a keen desire to encourage the spirit of volunteerism for the larger community within the ministry and that was what sprouted the concept of the LG CIP, which we decided on as a LG to set aside 1 LG week/month to serve a chosen beneficiary. we set aside some common goals that we wanted to fulfill as an LG and settled on a program from there (thank YMCA for its well executed and amazing CIPs). i've never volunteered with the intentional effort to put God at the center, and yesterday He shook me with 2 realizations during this experience and the aftermath when we took turns sharing about our experiences during dinner.

1) God will shake us by challenging our beliefs and transform us powerfully though such experiences.

more often than not, we go through a process of type-casting people and choices unconsciously. when our LG discussed about what we wanted to do as an LG even though the central theme of this project was really to serve the larger community together as an LG and thus have a shared experience, we also considered what activity we best preferred and which beneficiary we preferred to work with. we even ruled out elderly cos we decided that a lot of us didn't know dialects, and decided on interaction, preferably with kids. but ultimately, the decision was such that we would be flexible based on what CIPs were available and where YMCA most needed volunteers.

after the whole liaising took place and based on the openings that YMCA needed, our LG split into 2 groups who took on different beneficiaries to different places. it was the Handicapped Welfare Association (physically handicapped adults and elderly) and APSN (Association of Persons with Special Needs- teenagers and working adults with mental disabilities)

over dinner, one of my LG mates shared with me about how God spoke to him through this experience. he has always done CIPs which revolved around underprivileged children cos he felt for them and liked interacting with them. when he realized that we were gonna interact with adult and elderly beneficiaries it was something that threw him out of his comfort zone of volunteering. he didn't know what to expect. however, his experience yesterday made him realise that we're actually not that different from these people at different life stages. more often than not, there is soooooo much that we can learn from them through their rich experiences. and through that God spoke to him in a totally new way.

what i just wanna say is that we often have a fixed idea of how things should turn out and how people are. we have a fixed idea about how we want to serve and a fixed mindset about how we want to experience God, about how we want Him to answer our prayers, and how God will move in us and very often with this fixed mindset we overlook God trying to show us His love as a result. we overlook how the experience of God is limitless and boundless and unthinkable and unfathomable to the human mind sometimes.

but God can only try, and try again to change our plans to shake such a belief system. if we want to experience God in new ways and new dimensions and want to change but don't know where to start, maybe we could do so by stop trying to be in full control and governing each and every choice and activity in our life, and just obey God when He calls. because when we obey God that is when we're released from the clutches of these routines from which the individual so anally controls and maps out, hoping that we will experience God through doing the same old things over and over again. God cannot show us different dimensions of His love if we reign control. He wants, and needs to be in control of our lives for that to happen.

2) God's power moves mightily in NUMBERS.

God will show us His power when we, as a CHURCH, go out there to show His love by serving the community. zel, juli, flor and i were in the same group for our Y Outing with APSN. other than the joy of interacting with our buddies and sharing that common experience of seeing God's love through interacting with them, we also got a chance to talk to other volunteers. one of them, from NTU, happened to be partnered with flor to take care of the same buddy. over casual conversation, flor and her suddenly talked about church, and she mentioned that she used to go to church long time ago in sec school, and that this afternoon was gonna be her 1st time in church in a long time. after further questioning, we found out that her friend invited her for a 2pm service at a church in lavender called Hope Church! heh. i have reason to believe that it wasn't a coincidence, because she couldn't make it for the 2pm svc as our outing overran and so we asked her to join us and hang out as we were celebrating wuboy's birthday and to join us for the 5pm svc.

just like how we would treat any one of our friends, we talked to her and got to know her more. she's someone who's really curious and would ask about anything and everything when she's one on one with you. but she's also someone whose super shy in big groups. over lunch we started to affirm wuboy. she was seated beside me and started asking loads of questions like what our LG usually does, how often we meet up, how is a church service typically like, do we memorize doctrine, how do we hear from God, etc. she asked me also whether she had to affirm wuboy, to which i said she was not obliged to as this was the first time she has met him anyway. at the same time i could sense her curiosity as she observed the interactions within the LG and i could tell that God was really using us as a display of His love to her.

as we wrapped up our affirmations, she suddenly told me that she wanted to say something. so heh, we silenced the LG, and she told us (in a tiny voice) that she was really encouraged and amazed by the concern and care that we had for each other and started AFFIRMING us! OH MAN. i could really really tell that she had this genuine amazement of the love she had just witnessed. at that time, i was just floored. God used us as an instrument to show His love to her, and God ALSO used her to show us how, when we merely act upon showing love to others around us because He first loved as a church, that He will shake us by showing us the importance of growing a healthy church and the power of numbers.

and yesterday, as i stepped out of control and let God rule my experience, God spoke to me about the church, or more specifically, His church. in the past, i've been disillusioned by the stark sins of man through the institutionalization of religions and many a time question whether the church is really the best way to carry out the great commission as the Bible so states. but i prayed to God and asked Him to show me the power of His church, because i know and learnt it in doctrine, but had yet to experience and be convicted about it.

yesterday, He answered my prayers. He showed me the power of numbers when we acted upon His heart's desires. that means that the church can ONLY be the light of the world WHEN it is a healthy church, and that can only be the case when we put Him at the center of all decisions, when we pray about anything and everything. Ps Jeff's sermon confirmed God's answer for me.

not only that, we as a church, should no doubt continue growing and blessing each other and remain strong in our personal walk with Him, but there comes a time, where we must be ready when God calls, to go out and show the world, as a church, God's LOVE. because it is only when we truly step out of our comfort zones to serve the larger community together will we be convicted of the church as God's solution. growing is an iterative process after all, growing as a church needs to be physically WITHIN the church, and OUT of the church.

heh. i am really really amazed, because the more i think about it the more i think it's really cool how God can take any kind of experience, with no direct relation to my prayer, and at an unexpected time, choose to answer them. to me it really speaks of the depth of His wisdom. This God of ours commands my deepest awe and respect. i am thankful for this AMAZING LG OF MINE, for it is only God whom can bring such different people together to share life on such a deep level. i am thankful for our church for it is the HEART OF GOD, and i feel His presence within the people. but most of all i am thankful for GOD, the creator of ALL things on this earth, the sovereign GOD who has given us free will to make choices, the God who has never forsaken us and will never forsake, and the God who LOVES and wants to be loved.

I don't need to compromise my ideals of love

i think i've always been someone who wanted to believe in a cause, in part due to my exposure to a chaotic world at a young age, family experiences and having travelled to various countries (mostly the developing ones, but you'd come to realise how there are not just 3rd world, 2nd world, but 1st world problems).

in sum of my experiences, i grew to be this skeptic who didn't see love around as much as i would have liked to, wanted to love, got tired of loving, got tired of the mainstream idea of love (i don't subscribe very well to the idea of love being kept within the nucleus family). i felt like i volunteered to feel good about myself, and that very idea disgusted me. i wanted to give because i wanted others to benefit as a result, not to fulfill the human ego. i definitely wasn't any saint. i was a self-righteous prick who had her share of arguments with people just to win them, and pride consumed me sometimes and turned me so into a creature of hate. i was jaded and disgusted with myself and the world around me.

i liked myself as a thinker, someone rational and logical, due to influence from a father who subscribed to analytical thinking and humanism in his approach to life. the human life is as we see it- causes and consequences occurred as a result of nothing but a trigger of a chain of events. and nothing more than that. perhaps, it was believed that anything above human understanding or what couldn't be explained by science wasn't our onus. whatever it was, that subject was never broached in our years of discussion about religion.

"organised religion and its chaos, i don't wanna be a part of it"

"these poisonous righteous people, what makes them think they know what truth is in this world? imposing their beliefs and causing such bloodbath."

"er, i can never have so much faith in unseen, and the unexplainable. it's for the people who can't help themselves, thanks."

all that were fences of apathy i built to distance myself from the sufferings and evils of the world. i knew they existed, but at the same time, i didn't wanna take any stand. i ignored the fact that the truth existed somewhere, and that i needed to find out what that was. as c.s. lewis said,

"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."

so there i was, clouded by the deceptive nature of education that i was taught my whole life to place my trust only in things that one could see, feel and touch, and there and then, i was at 20, having been to places and met people, the whole world at my feet, feeling like there was more to life than working for the next in order of attainment, like a branded bag, a pretty dress, a car, a family, a house, retirement, death.

of course, in my years of seeking to know more about existence, i had read about religion here and there. bits about buddhism, bits about the karmic wheel and reincarnation, bits about yin and yang, bits of astrology, bits of the christian bible. one thing i really disliked, was how the bible was written. how these absurd things happened and were taken in as facts, like people walking on water, the red sea parting, how people could live 800 years in the old testament, or did a good 1/3 of the world honestly believed that Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fishes? and why was there still suffering in the world? earthquakes, natural disasters that killed innocent people? and worst of all, religious people who imposed their beliefs, causing strife and deaths. i too had been subjected to such poisonous righteousness in meeting people who thought less of me just because i didn't share their beliefs.

it was one of those down seasons in my life. summer of my 3rd year in school, i had earnestly wanted to spend it wisely gathering more experiences, and had exhausted every inch of my time doing a part time job, a part time research project and working on handicraft. i needed time out for thinking, and time out for me always meant new landscapes and that meant booking the next flight out of singapore. so i did, 20 days around south east asia. well, knowing more always made me more confused. and it did. i came back to a Leave Of Absence from school- a 6 month break to my next semester, and more confused than ever about the meaning of life.

obviously, i decided to do something about this confusion and that i was gonna quit using this etic approach in search of a cause to believe in because in doing so i was really just being judgmental. i wanted to start being emic about it. that meant no bible reading; i just wasn't gonna understand a book that put me on a different page as believers because unlike them, i wasn't going to take it as the 'word of God'. i wanted to be experiential about this, i wanted to know how people experienced faith. a trip to the library brought me to the book "Changing the World Through Kindness". it was a book about love. no judging, just pure love. love not through telling people "believe or else yer g'na go to hell" or that "Jesus loves you, (full stop, now believe)", or through winning arguments about God about who's greater, but love for strangers, love without obligations, love without agenda, showing them how Jesus would have loved them if he were to be alive today.

this was it, the greater love that i had been looking for. pure, non-judgmental love with no boundaries. we are humans, and did you for a moment think we were beings designed to just brush our teeth every morning and work and study, only to go to sleep at night, and then.. die? we were created to love. (think about the happiest times in your life. who did it involve?) many a time, people brush that part of them aside because it is a side of them in which they reign less control over, thus room for scary irrationality. and if God is love and He loves us, the notion of an unseen love all the more scares the pants out of people. how would one control how He loves me then?

but that night, i cried till my pillow became soggy with tears. something clicked within me, and the heavy burden of the sad things that were happening in the wretched world and the discouragement that nothing could be done about it was removed from my shoulders. i didn't wanna do good for fear of retribution in my next life (not that that was even within my concern seeing as how i already have problems to worry about in my current life, lol), i didn't wanna do good so that i could get something in return, i wanted to do good to love. and dang, i really wanted to know the God who made these people love so boundlessly. that night, i surrendered all that i didn't know about Christ to Christ through a prayer, that i knew there were so many things i didn't understand about what it meant to be a Christ-follower, and there were many things i disagreed with, but if He were true, that He revealed Himself to me. (Jeremiah 29:13)

my prayer was answered that night, for a wave of calm washed over me, and i experienced a peace there and then, and i knew in my heart that it was His way of comforting me. (i know, you must be thinking it sounds really absurd if you don't believe in another dimension of reality in this world, but i shall leave that to another day) so from then on, the process of knowing Him had never been crazier.

i've been through days of bible study that i didn't understand passages, i've been though going back to questioning about suffering in this world, how it can be reconciled with science- the tangible aspects of this draw towards Him. Bible study and knowing about the history of Christ is a necessary to knowing one's faith, not only because one needs to be sound in doctrine and build his faith through knowing God's character but also because we need to understand the very nature of our faith. But that being said, the experience of Him, the communication with Him (through prayer as the primary way) and the expression of His love to others ultimately is my walk with Him. For knowledge can tell me much, but experiencing Him really is a whole new dimension altogether.

so, what is following Christ in a nutshell?

it is not about winning a faith based argument with a friend, it is not about imposing your beliefs on another, it is not about singing songs of praise in church and then then living another kind of life out of it, it is not thinking worse of another just because he does not believe, it is not being self-righteous and judgmental, it is not about condemning people to hell for non belief, it is not about supporting the ways of man and taking the sides of Christians even as the things they do may be wrong, it is not a sunday social club, it is not about wanting to prove Christ as the One, nope, none of these.

it is about showing love, irregardless of age, race, language, religion, skin color, because we have received God's goodness and want to others to experience this goodness. for God so loved us, because He as the creator of the world was so powerful, and so unfathomable that man in our limited knowledge understood little of the goodness that He had installed for us. that was why He sent His son, Jesus, down to earth to teach and show us the ways of living.

it isn't about following a set of religious laws like what the pharisees thought it was, it is eating with the prostitutes and the taxpayers and loving them as you would a dear friend. it is about humility- thinking not less of yourself, but yourself less, and admitting that you are human and do make mistakes. it is about kindness, patience, charity, diligence, and above all, love. and if we could just merely act upon these virtues in our everyday life, there will be no need to explain ourselves, for our deeds speak for themselves (James 2:14-26). what has caused the religious strives of society? pride, envy, wrath, sloth, greed, gluttony and lust- nothing but things that the Bible spoke of never to commit. now if we could walk the talk, and we are set on a pedestal (matthew 5:14), then that would be truly living out Jesus's way of life.

Love is the key, love with no obligations and love with no agenda, love that will touch souls an love that will always triumph, and i've never experienced a greater love than the love of God. sounds abstract, but really it isn't, you just gotta seek and you will find it.

God, i've never wanted to know You more than this. Right now, I feel like I'm some crazed woman bursting at the seams to share Your goodness. Dunno how to explain.